you and i.

Thursday, March 29, 2007, 1:57 AM

dad is ok after the operation. But he cant move so much. So yea, he hasnt gone out from this house since tuesday. (: anyways,i cant wait for my orientation to start. and i cant wait when poly starts. cause im sick and tired to only stay at home. and have mom and dad nags here and there. as my poly is starting soon,i wont be working anymore. and no more gossiping with gay. haha. and yes,i wont be meeting him ever again,unless we bump into each other outside. and i jolly well not bump him outside,as most likely he will be with his gay friends. yea,scarry i tell you. hot and handsome,but sadly,gays.(: i hate my hp. it wll get stuck whenevr i want to send a message. and it will take about 10 mins,den the message will be sent. pantats kan? i dont want to ask my parents for a change as everything is ok,except for the messaging. but if there is any kind soul who wants to spare me a hp,im ok with it.(: anyway,actually i dont know what to blog about.(:

Saturday, March 24, 2007, 12:01 PM

To Md Farhan Bin Azman.

first of all,i want to apologise to you for the every wrongdoingds ive done.ones that you know about,or those you never know.and by typing this message to you,am greatly sorry if it'll cause any trouble for anyone.
ive thought it over annd over again whther to write this mail or not.eventho its hard for me, i want to apologise to you.i still feel im at hugeee hugggge fault.no,im writng this not to have you thinking i want you back,or cause a chaos between you and your new girl.i wouldnt even want to see you break up with her,cause i know you're much more happy with her than you were with me.ok,enough of our past.farhan,im sorry for all of the lies ive told you.To hurt you,while i know verry while im in the wrong.im the one to blame.i should have suffered,not you.for the past years ive been with you,known you,i think i know you well.but not well enough.by hurting you an,i did hurt too.i swear to God,at times when i talk to you,i wish i could tell all the truth,but i cant help myself to be part from you.caused i loved you.i cant bear to hurt you just for my own verrry stupid mistakes.it was then,i decided to ' run away' from you. ilied to you about my parents,i broke up withyou.but the fact is i just cant bear to hurt you anymore.i decided to be silent and not wanting youto know about the truth.it's not only you,but i am hurt too.till now.friends kept telling me i was selfish,i know that.and i cant stand it.i swear to god again,ive changed.well,i did try.first was to told you the truth,cause i cant bear to lie to you. to let you suffer. cause i kow how it feels.at least i think,i know.but after all those lies ive told you,one thing i will never lie about.ws that i loved you. i loved you a whole lot. my feelings that i cant lie about.i cant possibly dent the love i gave either.cause i did gave my heart and soul.unfortunately,i was the cause of al these.
ANd as for now,you have another women in your life. i pray to God for the very best for you both.i want you to love her more than you love me,i know you can.cause she wont lie to you.like i did.and she wont let you down,like i did to you.avoid me as much as you want.cause im trying my best to forget every single memory of us.and i cant lie to my feelings,that i still love you even right now.even right at this moment you reading this.but this will be the last piece of me that you will hear about.i know,you will share your everything to your girlfriend. but i hope not this.not me writng you this. cause it involves my stupid felings for you still. and i dont want her t think im going after you again.just rest assure an, i wont.cause i know,you wont be falling for me all over again.cause that feelings for me had dried out long ago. its just that i want to clear my every thing to you.for now i hope that i wont have regrets after sending you this,cause eventho i lied,i gave yu yo my heart and soul. all my love.and the love that i can never deny.i know i did a HUGGGGE mistake,but i gotta move on.cause you did an. and want to show you i can.to provemyself im not any weak girl.but ive learnt my lessons,and i will never repeat it.ever.\but as for now,i have to live life this way.alone and silently loving you.but no worries,i wont bother you anymore.so this is it for now.farhan,thans for everything.the memories. and sorry for wasting your monthly bills just for some uselss girl lke me.(:and ya,send my regards to you and you family.assalamualaikum.

This is the letter that i gave him when we broke up.it's sad to see our years of rship goes down the drain.but im tired of trying to lie to you.and i know jolly well i am at fault at this.yes only me.so enough of blaming me as i had learnt my lesson

Labels: exbf., im sorry

, 11:54 AM

i did my enrolment at rp today.i went there wif mum.and the place was huge,that we almost lost our way.rp is so lecey la.i need to make another appointment to do configurations on my laptop.cause i didnt bought laptop over there,as i have my own.lazy la to go there.(: anyway dad is going to have operation.cause there's something wrong inside his stomach.and at sgh,reminds me of farhan. truthfully,i miss him. well,i shouldnt dwell on it. as im the cause of our 4 years of rship. yes,ive been with him for 4 years,yet it is kept unknown to people. i was greedy i guess. well,for now,he's happily attached wif a new gf,which is good for him. and no way am i showing him i still hang on to him.(: enough of that. im tired of using friendster.at times,i want to cancel the account,but friendster is the only website i go to when im bored. see first la. i dont even know half of the people who add me up. or maybe im deleting people and block some irritating pest who keep on messaging me about this and that. i get frustrated and i block them.(: they just dont get it when people dont want to layan them.(:

Wednesday, March 21, 2007, 8:45 AM

This are all random pictures.

i miss Quorfaine.

i miss my sec sch mates.

i miss everyone.(:

it's time to move on and be an adult.

haha,nonsense la you nuyul.(:

i miss massss.!!!!

you faster come out laaa.(:

Hari raya Last yr.
i miss ira too.cause shes busy working.(: and she still owe me my 10 bucks.=)

i misss youuu.not yat.mas.(:

i love t wordings.sorry waty.(:

Our bdae chalet.khairul was there la sey.(:

Deepavali.Gaya's house.i miss her mom's curry.(:

i love this pic.(:

, 8:16 AM

sorry for not posting for soo long.(:

Bali was funnnnn.

yea.

i will upload the pictures later on as the memory card is with my cousin.

and i tell you,

the guys over there,

hotttttt.

super duper hot la sey.

and the manager,

is super duperr duper handsome.(:

enough of that.

anyways,

i miss PORNSTAR.

a lot.

probably will be meeting up with her this friday.

but i have enrolment process to go.

alaa,see lor.

anyways i get into RP.

yea, im trying to like it la.

and i cant wait for the orientation camp.

i cant wait to meet new friends.

hot guys.

hahaa.

Thursday, March 08, 2007, 4:53 AM

last night i couldnt sleep.

and i only slept after 2.

i listen to a radio station.

and ive just realised one thing.

it's actually good to be single.

just imagine,

you dont have to worry,

you dont have to slepe late just because of a fight you and your boyfriend have.

you dont have to suffer because of break up.

you dont have to cry just because of a word or a fight you have.

and the loneliness a single woman have,

itss just actually a beginning.

you just have to wait for the ryt one to come and love you.

and let that be your happily ever after fairy tale.

and do not blame anyone for you being single.

but instead use your alone time to something useful,instead of jsut sitting there,

thinking why you are still single.

but nonetheless,

being in a rship is a sweet thing to do too.

so,yea,

we just have to balance it all right.

and the most immportant thing is that,

we have our friends and family around.

so uat aper mau ade mataye?

hahaa.

Labels: single is gudddd.(:

Wednesday, March 07, 2007, 12:31 PM

met up wif darlings.

and yes we got our posting today.

and mine was unsuccessful.

i cried la sey.

mom and dad said,i should not give up and try applying again.

well,i did.

and yeah it it dissaproves another time i'll be taking private diplomas.

this are the pictures taken today.

at Mai's house.

using my webcam,those earlier pictures.

and using Mai's digicam those below below ones.

and im gng to miss them during the holies.(:

Look At Sara.haha.

this was supposed to be a ' pose merepek.'(:

yea,and this too.and yes,Waty brought Mai down.tsk tsk.(:

a family potrait.

Aisyah.

Sara.

Again,on top of waty.and look at Waty's butt.haha.

Aisyah &Sara.

Mai's cozy room:)

Tuesday, March 06, 2007, 9:11 AM

yea,im going for a holiday this comng Sat.

We family going to Bali.

and im so excited la.

we're going to stay in a villa wif our own private pool.

and i'll make sure i shop till i drop.

and i dont care if i get fatter,i will eat like a pig.(:

my first aunt and two of her children will be folowing us.

and we'll be gng there with flight.

so yea,i really really cant wait.

mom and dad has took one month off.

ONE MONTH!!

haha.

no until midnyt playing my lappy.

no calling wif darilngs.

and yes after our Bali trip,

Mum and Dad is deciding whther they want to go for their second honeymoon.

haha. i now,it wont be romantic forthem.

they'll be gng either to bangkok or pattaya.

and i hope they do go.

and to darling Quorfaine,

sorry i couldnt follow you girls celebrate Ira's bdae.

you guys go and haf fun clubbing.

and dont drink too much.

take care of yourself .

and when you guys are having fun,

rmb me at Bali.

hahaa.

and if i have extra cash,i'll buy smtng for you girls ok?

and i want to meet you girls up first before i go.

cause its been a while since i meet you girls.

its all bcos im lazy to go out.

heh,sorry.

and yes do miss me alryts.(:

Labels: HOLIDAY BEBEY(:

Saturday, March 03, 2007, 9:04 PM

sometimes i wonder.

why must people live.

why do we have feelings?

and why do we love?

and why at some point of a time,

a person that we love will go.

im not saying about the typical boyfriend-girlfriend stuffs.

i mean,why must we die?

why death?

it hurts.

and everytime i heard about someone else's death,

or a loss,

i wil cry.

cause i can imagine if i were to be in their loved ones position,

it hurts.

having a bigg family is not all good at times.

i cant bear to part wif them.

not death.it;s like we wont be seeing or talk with them anymore.

and what if,we have to tell something to them?

maybe it;s better to be a loner.

to live life alone without having someone to love or love you.

i know,we cant ask about death.

about why must Him do this to us.

but i cant take it.

and i know someday we will be part.

it's just a matter of time and place.

but however,we will never be ready for that.

never to be apart from our loved ones.

Friday, March 02, 2007, 12:04 PM

i didnt update for days simply bcos my connection sucks.

everytime i want to blog,my laptop will disconnect its connection itself.

pantat tols!:)

anyways, this March holiday my family are going to Jakarta and Bangkok.

and the only chance iw ill shop like hell.

as i wont spend my money but instead mom's money.:)

eversince i've worked with him,

i understnd gays better.

haha. he's the hot and handsome kinda guy.

but too bad he's gay.

and whenever we're working together, we will look at those hot guys.

esp angmohs.

he will decide which one is good and which is not.

and i tell you,gays are fun to hang around with.

and he work at MOS.

he told me stories and so fore.

and yes i did have a huge crush on him before.

heh,but not noww.

not when he's gay sey.

anyway it's been almost two years single babe.

and yes i think i will be entirely commited to being single.

let the right one come.

and ys i can wait.:)

i want to go at least poly then i will study overseas.

or even if im posted to ite,i will work hard to get to poly.

and then yes study overseas again.

i decided not to go Australia as my family financial health is not balanced.

and yes i watched Prison Break season two on dvd.

andi tell you Micheal is getting hotter sey.(:

and yes Hyrul Anuar too.

he reminds me of an old friend.

i want to get married with a superstar la!