ok this is going to be a long and quite an emotional post.
well its not always im doing this lar okays.(:
if to think back ive been going out with many many guys eversince the last time i have a bf,which was two years or so?
and truthfully, never was i happy and like it when i was out with different guys.
except that i am comofrtable with their company.
even all those kisses and hugs i dont really quite like it.
i can only pretend to smile and say i like them,when actually i just dont.
no men has really open up my heart and really touched me with their words.
im tired of pretending really.
and arent you guys really tired of talking sweet talks to girls?
i msn-ed with Mai ytd about having a bf or whatsoever.
she told me how she get jealous looking at people with bf like for so long alr.
ive gotta admit i am too. i gave her a quick response saying i dont really need a boyfriend right now.
it was too quick,and i thought maybe its jsut not the time.
but to think back,fooling around with guys is just too tiring. and the one who will get hurt is going to be me at the end of the day.
well,i cant blame the exbfs about whatever happened to me now.
but i did all these caused i want to see how guys really react with girls.and how long can they sitck to one.
i know where i stand however,i got no looks or even a little teeny weeeny things to be admired of.
but still, guys do practice their egos on a girl like me.
see how cruel can they get?
i find that im not pretty much happy the way i am at this moment.
i mean im much more happy not being attached with any guys. but im just a normal huan being who crave for attention,love, care and concern from others.
i guess theres not much difference in mai and me except for the outer part.(like duh!!)
we want to settle down,but we always get the wrong kinda guys,and we mingle and know many other guys.
but the fact is we really want to settle down sooner or later.
and we know what we're doing is wrong.
i dont need anyone to nag and nag and say that im doind is wrong,cause i myself know that.
but can you jolly well find for me one kind soul in this world?
well easier said than done,huh?
but ive just been faking my happiness,really.
i still misses the exbf at some point of time.
the 3 yrs exbf and the last exbf.
now that they're happy with their new girlfriends,
how can i show to them im happy right now?
and i really hope the 3 yrs exbf one day will ring me up and asking me how's life for me.
and i swear im going to cry and tell him everything.
yes,likei used to. i still remember when we used to cry over little things when we were together.
and im the first girl he ever cried for.
when he used to show to me he can support me in the future to come.
when he told me everything about his new girlfriend,and i was crying over the phone.
and when he asked why, i just laughed and it made me only to cry harder.
when i told him off not to contact me ever again cause i know how exactly his girlfriend feels when hes contacting me,the exgf who he loves the most
when his late granny was alive and hoping we get married with her ring.
and how his family know about me. but not my family.
how he used to told me he was landed in the hospital caused of a rare disease,
and i cried so bad and it was actually april's fools day. (:
and when i preteneded to ask for a break up,and he was actually crying infront of me,
and when i suddenly burst out laughing and we played catching at the end.
when i cried wth him when his late granny past away.
whenever he went to esplanade everytime we quarrelled and whenever he asked me why i know he was there, i told him God wants us to be together forever.
still, he moved on. and why am i still here?
crying and trying to get an answer that wont prolly come to me.
did he really forget everything?
well,thats much more memories we spent together as an item or jsut as friends.
telling myself now,am i really happy the way i am now.
i guess not. (:
