you and i.

Friday, November 30, 2007, 12:17 PM

I still remember when i get drunk, that i ring Haikal up. And wanting to spit nonsense. But luckily LadyLuck was by my side, and make Haikal's hp spoilt. If not, I tell you I will literally die. And yes, somehow Haikal still come back in my life when I dont expect him to. Oh boy, why must all this be happening? I had enough of all these shits and nonsense. I want this to end just like that. Im the one who doesnt care if you have a secret to keep or to tell. I know everyone has a secret, and i want you to respect mine.

"And I want this to be over, I so want this to be through, In the end somehow it always comes back to you."

Im tired of everything in life right now. i miss my family a whole lot. I miss my girls a whole lot. I miss being a child a whole lot. I miss the past, to be short. But somehow, I know its reality check. I gotta move on and be strong. (:

three more days to sunday, Aids Walk with the classmates. Hopefully will be fun.

And three days to Haikal Bodo bday.

Thursday, November 29, 2007, 9:20 AM

here i am lying on my bed, and i feel like dying. i have no energy at all. went to school in the morning, vomiited a whole lot during first meeting, and went back during first break.

its been so long since I last felt sick. i went back taking cab cause I cant take the pain any longer. it costed me 15 buckeroos. gone just like that.

went home, sleep, woke up at 3 plus and went to see the family doctor. I guess its food poisoning, and i so dont like it when I have to vomit when my stomach is empty. it hurts a lot.

and i havnt ate anything since morning. i cant seem to feed myself.

oh godd, i have to regain my energy cause im going school tomorrow.

i feel so sucky inside. feeling nauseous everytime, and i hate it.

and noone care im dying here, well except for my loveliest classmates, well you know who you are. thank you. (:

saw atiq early in the morning, i so miss her siaaaaaa.

i have to go to school tmr. got UT and module briefing. shrugggssssss.

and exactly one more month to my birrthday, so not excited about it.

can i leave and go somewhere where noone knows my name? and start a new whole life there?

guess not.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007, 1:41 AM

ok, im so in love with my new baby. he's so freaking HOOOT. yes. H-O-T-T!!!. haha.

never fail to make me smile with his stupid face.

and never fail to make me melt with his smile and especially whenever he sings.

hahaa, heres my baby. gooo drool ove rmy little baby. hahaha.

yes, hes fucking hot and cute. and hes my new obsession.(:

And ive changed my phone to a new one. i love my parents,yknow. haha.
school has been alryt. i love ytd team during Culture Module.
Teaming up with Lee, Ikhlas and Doug. the stupid jokes that were made by us. Especially Ikhlas. he's such an asshole.
hahaha, " Show her that middle finger and you will get orgasm."
hahaha. that made me laughed so hard ytd. and especially the look he gave when he was showing hes having orgasm,so fucking funnny.
and i so cant wait for holidays to come. three more weeks babeyh. (:

Monday, November 26, 2007, 2:17 PM

i so feel the need to have more parties. and party every weekend. if only my parents were not so strict about letitng me overnight. If only i was already legal, life would be so bliss. the only way for me to destress is to have fun and dance at the dancefloor. and get loose or like people say, " get drunk and wasted."

no worries at all when im in that state. ergh, i hate my current status, and not getting too much freedom. and if only mom trust cousin Pian, i can party with him every weekend.

but fat hope, they wont and never will. ergh.

and i wont be following the girls partying next week. oh shucks. im so going to miss the fun sials. ergh.

but hell, hopefully school holidays coming soon, and at least a party with gf would be great.

but sure just an underage party.

and did i told you cousin Pian told my brother and parents workers about me. malu giler siaooo. hahaa.

i so hate him. but well, im really craving to have more fun. and when can i have my freedom and be legal? ergh.

well, i just have to be patience.

tomorrow school. such a bore. haha.

but hoping the week to end fast cause i cant wait for the Aids Walk with the classmate.

but hopefullythe day wont let me think about Haikal too much,cause its his birthday.

and tell me, when is the next quorfaine outing?

, 7:03 AM

i had a bad dream last night. maybe due to me thinking about that idiot too much.

it was a nightmare rather than a dream. i was scared, it was so real. its been a while since I dreamt something so real.

It felt so real that the moment I woke up from that dream it made me teared. Non stop. I was sobbing, thinking about the dream.

About the reasons why he leave me, and why he didnt want to come close to me anymore. It was hurtful. And even in the dream, he doesnt seems to care. HE TOLD ME RIGHT IN MY FUCKING FACE. and in the dream i ran away from him, his brother and my gfs. cause they were there with me. i was sad. i ran with tears.

and when i woke up knowing it was a dream, it made me cry so hard that I cant breath. I dont know why. But in the dream, my gfs told me that he asked them to tell me to take good care of myself. and told my gfs to take care of me, cause he knows Im not strong.

somehow somewhat, at that point of time in the dream, i turned and searched for him and his brother, hoping he will be back. And hoping he run after me. But to no avail.

I felt so real, i was scared the moment I woke up.

But those tears made me realise it was only a dream, and knwo that he is gone,for real.

Oh God,give me the strength to move on. And lead life normally.

Sunday, November 25, 2007, 4:40 PM

just got home from town-ing with Mai and Waty. well didnt expect to go town even because we thought of going to visit our dearest Waty at work in T3. But then, dgr2 superstar nk dtg, beh T3 tutop. hahaha.

and then decided to go town at the very last minute. but it was fun.

all those laughters, the times where i screamed and shouted so loud and everywhere around loked at us, and making the girls feel paisey. haha!

and the times where we talked and gossip about people we despise. oh godd. its so much fun

and we saw 'fat joe' at far east. euw euw. haha. and now Mai keep reminding me about him. please eh.

what started at RedBar ends at RedBar. haha. so disgusting tao! haha.

i had so much fun, that it took my trouble away.

i love maisarah binte rosli and nur irzawati binte abd rahim for today.

and i feel so great and enjoyed my girls company eventho its just for the short while.

and i dont have to actually mention anything about that idiot infront of them.

and i know they totally understand my situation.

and thats what friends are for, kan babis? haha.

and thanks Lee for the songs that you said guaranteed will mend my heart. appreciate it lots.

and thanks Leon for all those advices, and thanks for making me realise what I am supposed to. For once, Thanks Leon. haha.

and thanks to Karenn for smsing me early in the morning and made me woke up from my sleep. haha

And thanks a million gazillion for those who helped cheer me up.

eventho the day doesnt started out so well, but it ended jsut perfectly fine.

and thanks to the above people only.haha.

i have to say this, i so love you guys/girls. (:

Saturday, November 24, 2007, 11:37 AM

forgetting him is too difficult. i have never cried so hard eversince months ago. i guess he really means a lot to me. I have never imagined that I would cry so hard for him. my eyes are now swollen and so red. and i swear I look much more uglier and terrible. Oh God, now tell me what am I supposed to do. I am seriously bored, seriously need someone to talk to. But i cant help but cry too much. I need my girls. I have been playing around and going out on dates toomuch, but Haikal is way too different from those guys. I loved him. I have never felt love for so long until him. I hate falling in love, and i hate it when the one i love doesnt know I am here crying for them. I have tissues all over my bed, and all over the floor. I cant take this shit. Its too heavy for me to carry all these burden. Oh God, please let me forget this when I wake up tomorrow morning. Make me forget all these misery. I want my old self back. I dont want to keep crying and be emotional about everything that revolves around me. Its too hard and demanding for me. I want to forget Haikal fast. I dont want to let people see im weak. I am tired of all these. Maybe what Leon and Liyana said was right. No point thinking of Haikal when he doesnt even care. He doesnt even know I am thinking and crying for him. Cause he aint doing the same like what I am doing. Maybe hes not even thinking of me. And its too difficult to move on. And I cant use hatred to forget him cause it will be too difficult. I cant stand it, this pain is too much for me. I swear I have never been like this. Its hurting me too much. Noone have never saw me like this cause thi sis the worst. And especially to my girls, I swear I need you girls so much. I cant handle this. I feel like I want to end it all. Make me sleep forever can? I dont need you guys to tag me just to demoralise and tell me how EMO i am. I dont need that. Cause I dont fucking need all that. I am too sad and upset with all the things that have been happenings. I cant take all these shits that is happening. I WANT MY STRENGTH BACK.

, 5:47 AM

One of these days maybe your magic won’t affect me,

And your kiss won’t make me weak.

But no one in this world knows me the way you know me.

So you’ll probably always have a spell on me..

, 5:42 AM

dinner date with Wan Galah was cancelled, due to his work in Hilton Hotel. but im going out with Fid,prolly.

but im lazy to. I got no more mood to go out and met anyone.

it sucks, cause I get too emotional and too sensitive with what people around me say about me.

and i know i said i odnt care, but whenever I show attitude and not a happy fae,please stop. Cause Im scared I may throw my tantrum and anger. I have did that twice eversince, but luckily it happened to someone close, and he understand what Im going through.

i dont have to please you if you talk shit and made me mad.

i cant be bothered about anything.

this must be the fact and what is really happening.

about me and that haikal bodo, is totally over. dont ever mention his name to me.

Maybe to my close firends only, cause I trust their advices and they are the only ones who can critisize me, cause they are only ones who care about me.

like really, i miss the times wehre we're together and meet everysingle day.

ok, i guess im having an emotional hangover. haha.

Friday, November 23, 2007, 1:57 PM

ku rindu di sayangi, sepenuh hati,
sedalam cintaku,setulus hatiku.
ku ingin memilikikekasih hati,
terlimpah air mata,terlimpah kesalahan.

bukan cinta yg melukai diriku.
dan meninggalkan hidupku lagi.

, 6:29 AM

a dinner date with Wan Galah prolly tomorrow. Pizza Hut babeyh.

hahaa.

he wanted to make it die die tomorrow laa. haha.

at least something for myself to get my mind off something. at last., im sick,really.

life is so confusing. lke seriously. hahaa

ok,im in school.

science module is fucking irritating. ergh.

Thursday, November 22, 2007, 6:38 AM

I DONT WISH YOU TO ENTER MY LIFE STORY ANYMORE.

I HAD ENOUGH OF LAUGHING, CRYING, QUARELLING, SMILING AND FIGHTING WITH YOU.

MAYBE YOU MAY NOT BE THE LONGEST OR WE HAVE NEVER BEEN OFFICIAL EVEN.

BUT ITS BETTTER TO END AND STOP ALL THESE. YOU DONT HAVE TO LOOK, RING, MSN, TEXT ME, OR FIND ME ANYMORE.

AND I WONT HAVE TO FIND YOU EITHER.

I AM MOVING ON FOR REAL,ASSHOLE.(:

AND IM SORRY IF I MISSES YOU TOOMUCH, BUT BOY,

I PROMISE NOT TO CALL ,IF YOU PROMISE NOT TO CALL.

SO, ITS GOODBYE FOR NOW.

AND MAKE IT FOREVER(:

Wednesday, November 21, 2007, 1:18 PM

i got so mad and that explains those harsh words form the previous post.

why, asshole? why now?

ive decided, not to let you contact me anymore.

it will be abit weird, cause suddenly i got noone to tell me they love me,

and to fight with me.

but i cant take it boy.

forget about the both our birthday. jsut forget about everything.

told you not going to use my handphone anymore,

going to delete you from msn.

im serious this time.

ergh, how i wish i can give you another chance.

, 12:56 PM

ahh,bagos uh amalkan slalu eh perangai kau.aku da malas da nak layan.kau mati pon aku tak kisah.

aku sumpah, aku benci haikal. serious.

ape yang aku buat selame ni kau tak pernah nak appreciate.

kau pikir aku aper, mcm member2 baju kau yang lain.

aku bukan lar sial.

kau nak gini macam dgn aku, fine!

aku bolemain dgn kau punyer pemainan.

tengok saper yang kalah.

kau besarkan motor kau daripade orang yang sayangkan kau.

kau besarkan kepale, kau ego, kau pikir aku tk de perasaan kaper sial.

gini macam, lupekan ajer lar pasal kiter.

aku da tak heran uh.

aku sumpah aku tak hean lagik.

aku bukan anjing kau bodo. kau pikir susa jer kau datang kat aku.

biler kau senang, kau carik members kau.

ahhh, ni uh perangai sundal mat rep sekarang.

aku berjanji dgn diri aku aku tak kan pernah akan kenal dgn mt rep atau jantan samer species dgn kau.

semue samer ajer uh.

bodo punyer manusia.

mati lagik baikkan!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007, 1:08 AM

things are not going my way, and it sucks. i swear i could break down and cry and get irritated and frustrated so easily.

everything was all right with me and haikal ytd night, we joked, and laughed like never before, but then things changed because of the things i said, and he thought i was blaming him and feel as if im being sacarstic to him.

i hung up on him for once yesterday, and my hp was also being such a bitch and off-ed by itself, and i dont know whether he called back or not, but i really dont care.

and with me being anry and frustrated enough already, i was cursing and swearing at haikal and dozed off.

and my hp is being a pain in the arse, and i want to get a phone changed. and i dont know whether haikal is oging to call me back or never. but i dont really care cause this happened alot of times, but ytd was the worst, it was my fault anws, but no way i am going to call him, cause he's one stubborn bitch.

and instead of meeting me, he went to lepak under his block with his friends.

ahhh, bagos uh, amalkan slalu. kau dgn kawan2 mat rep kau bole kawin pas tuh main same2. eh eh eh.

ok sorry, im just soo mad at him fornot being clear and understand what im trying to say and by ow you should know how much i need you, asshole.

and you get mad about the fact im saying, but really, i didnt want to tell you, cause I know it will hurt you, and i was being such an understanding friend not to only think about myself.yes,friend.

Monday, November 19, 2007, 12:36 PM

The night spend with Dinn was sucky enough, even talking about it make me want to jump down from the highest building. haha. ok bedek.

and the plans for clubbing, i tell you was so cock up. was really messy.

we wanted go Cheeky's at first, and there we were thinking about wanting to go RedBar, cause Cheeky's was like half dead. haha.

then after deciding and argueing when we were already half conscious outside Cheeky's, we decided to go in.

But ending up going to Red Bar cause the cashier at Cheeky's was being bitchy to us, and somehow affect us. but hell, luckily didnt get into Cheeky's. boring, i tell you

and Red Bar was a pathetic place i tell you, with all those mat reps and girls who doesnt want to dance, and just sit and go drink, and listen to the pathetic music playing. haha.

like seriously, we girls are mad about it, cause everyone doesnt seems to dance. haha. but at the end, everything end up so well, cause i admit i ahd so much fun.

sorry to those girls who doesnt have so much fun like me, cause i think i was way tooo high. haha.

danced like mad, eventho i think the only one dancing were my girls and somme few guys. but hell, to think back, it was embarassing la. cause the crowds are like always watching the dancefloor, and yes, with few of us, there, and the 'so not my type' crowds, embarassing lar sia!!! haha.

but hell, i had so much fun, and laughter and dancing with some 'fat joe' i dont even know how he look like cause i was half dead, haha.

and did i tell you i went with cousin Pian there. yes that idiot.

i was supposed to search and tell him where im going to club. but i forgot to actually save his number. and end up not telling him, and i was shocked to see him in Red Bar shuffling away. haha.

stupid cousin. haha. he bragged about how he got free entry and free drinks. idiot. haha, but luckily he offered me some. haha. and danced with him for a while.

and luckily he was concerned about my safety and the state im in.

for ONCE, i should thank him. haha. and the girls for taking care of me.

i had fun, period. so much fun that i spout nonsense.

and the bartenders and the manager or whatsoever people there was so nice(:

except the crowd and the music can be much more improved.

otw to town. from marine parade.
in the train. ok i love my girls.
ok, at MacD, i swear this was when i was too drunk.

loook at that face. mahal beb.
the sleep at sarbucks at bugis, never came acrosss my mind that sleeping there was too comfortable. haha
haha.(:

look at our face vefore everything(:

and yes we were the two most tak betol. haha

while waiting for the girls. ok burok, really:)

Friday, November 16, 2007, 2:33 PM

so yea, will spend my two nights with dinn and my girls.

lets have fun babeyh. haha. ok, but as usual, things always tend to create problems. urgh!

well, lets just wait and see.

anyways, i still cant believe Cheeky Monkeys is one of the club review in singapore. haha.

Ok, i shall shut up.

anyways, its the mid of november alr. and Haikal birthday is coming, so i thought of buying him a watch.

i do have a budget, but i think i get him something cheaper. i dont know. seriously.

my budget is too tight, what more spending the ngiht with the girls also will have to spend money.

but i will get something nice for him, but i swear im so fickle minded on what to get him.

and he was so sweet last night over the phone. haha. ok, sorry:)

and i swear i flunk my UTs and only thing that will help my GPA to pull up this time, i will only hope for the best for my daily grades.

oh shucks, im swear im so slacking, and it kinda feel good today cause im kinda do my work for Science.(: not bragging, but i did did my work:)

ok, i am going to miss Mama and Ayah over the weekends.

and i swear this update is just so random, i dont know what else to blog about.

ergh! and tmr is mathematics. HOW NICEEE!(:

at least theres something for me to look forward to after that.

ok, let hit the dancefloor and get high babeyh! i want a hangover, can i?

hahahhaa. ok, MP.(:

Tuesday, November 13, 2007, 12:01 PM

its been quite a long time since i felt love, really.

really really love. not any of the dates that doesnt even involve feelings.

but after yesterday, after hearng him pouring his heart out about his feelings towards me, i swear i can fly. haha. (ok,bluffff!)

some of you people might know haikal thru the way i blogged about him. how he's not romantic and how inensitive he is towards me.

but to think back, like what I said to Waty ytd, sweet and mushy relationships aint my thing. and those harsh and ykow like the situation im in with haikal, suits me so well.

because Waty as a friend, will always advise me on how a guy should treat the girls well. And how bad haikal is.

i dont blame her, i took her advise anyways. and i appreciate it, babi.(:

however, like i told you ytd, imagine you have a sweet and mushy relationships, and like everywhere you go your bf will treat you so nice and hold and you will act all girly. and whenever you guys fight, you tend to look deep into those fights and maybe even a break up for those fights.

why?

because you are comfortable with being mushy and soooo close to him and so sweet and all nice together. and whenever you guys fight, you see it as he doesnt love you anymore. you tend to think negatively.

but look at my position,

we tend not to meet together always and always quarrel and always disagree with each other. people tend to look at us as a non stable relationship, but however we know everything is all right, and people dont know how much we appreciate each other,yes by always disagreeing with each other. and whenever he do something sweet which will be rarely, you tend to remember all those little things, and you find it much more worth it in that relationship cause he did something to make you smile despite all those fightings and arguments. And you overlook those fights cause its too casual for you. and you appreciate it that he cares about you.

really, reflect on what ive just typed down. and no, i dont mean you should be more violent towards your parnter, but look, i dont want those little fights that set me thinking whether I should be with you or not.

i want those little sweet things you did to me make me thing you're worth it.

and yes, i love haikal, eventhough most of the time he's acting like a bitch.

so now you people know how i appreciate him.(:

and how much i tend to get into alot of fights and arguments with him. haha.

waty, ye, hidup aku confuse. apesal?! hahaha.

ok, i lup you pig.(:

Labels: everything's going to be all right.

, 2:31 AM

im basically in a happy mood early in the morning, and the ytd night. besides the date with my two BABES(READ:BABI!).

i swear when whoever shop with Sara, your legs will sore and your butt hurts. haha.

besides, the window shopping with the two girls, i had tons of "imagines", "what ifs" and "reflecting our pasts" things with them by the bay, yes esplanade. where else. haha.

got home at 10, went online and chatted with Haikal bodo, decided to meet up with each other after not meeting up with each other for weeks.

haha, and he got lost, and i actually saw him got lost.

and he came with his bloody bike. and he decided to take me for a ride with his bike.

and being me, who hate bike rides, i agreed caused i cant stay with him under my void deck,cause my neighbours are busybody,you see. haha. and i die if they tell my parents.

and mind you it was at 11 plus at night meeting him.

and when we were on the road, knowing im scared, he will speed up and ride so fast, and jerk it. and i will hold tight to him.and he will laughed at me. haha, i tell you, the feeling for me was scary la. i keep whining to him, and he keep on holdingmy hand and laughed at me.

then we reached an empty road, and there he speed like hell,and we stopped, and sit at the middle of the road at night,

tell me, romanticcc kapppeee.

haha. and we talked about us, and i swear i kept smiling, dont bother about what we talked about. cause i believe it doesnt matter to you. haha. and thanks for the assurance, the holding of hands, those short and long kisses. haha. and thanks for being sucha bitch to laughed at me when you speed on the road.

however, i still love you.

and i tell you seriously,i cant stop smiling to myself, even now. tell me how cant i when someone you love spend the night with you and gave you kisses and held hands in the middle of the empty road.

i swear it was romantic. and i swear i dont want to go home but we have to cause im schooling. and i swear i have never seen him like that.

and it was so sweet of him giving me that assurance. and i think you guys are starting to puke lar eh. hahaa.

and i reached home at 12, and called up Mai and Waty. planned about satuurday night together. and when Haikal called, and i talked ti him for a while, and talked back to the girls, i swear i can kill them. haha.

and i slept at 2. and im all hypered up now.

best appppeeee.

haha, okay, i love my girls and i love haikal bodo.(:

like,seriously!!(:

Friday, November 09, 2007, 11:13 PM

Overdue pictures from Mama's hp.

the kids and their mom.
my irritating bro.
the most irritating kid ever, and hes only 8.

me and the loveliest,dearest mother. Look at how white she is. i thot i am already the most fairest.(:

irritating siblings,like sriously
granny.
aunts

ok done with pictures.

anyways, i fought with haikal again.

yes me. haha. i cant help but to blame him for what we are now.

and as usual, he wont apologise and be nice.

and i cant be bothered. and i think i just let things stay that way. if he can change, and not care about us, i think i can too.

and anyways clubbing for 2 days straight next week.

besttt kappppeeeeee!

haha. and i will die if haikal fiinds out about it, but naaah, he prolly wont find out. and even if he does, i tell you i dont blardy care:)

ok girls, make it happening lar sey.

aku sungguh tak sabarrr!(:

, 4:37 AM

Ok, pictures from Mama's bday celebrations and the short beach outings with my bacins.(: theres a lot of my face, so just bear with me. haha.

tell me,why I have a brother whose hair is like so freaking erm, i dont know. hahaa

in the boat.
was waiting for the food, and i swear the service at 2HotHalal Cafe sucks.

with zuhairi.

the little bro of zuhairi, zarif, one irritating kidd i tell you.
and with the sister,zayanah.

Ok, lok at my bacin faces now. and i was sooo tired, i didint even touch up after my work. haha

look, whos the kids now? haha
a shoulder to cry on eh,pendek?(:
haha,my kemek face siak.

whatever shit happened, be strong eh belo(:
shiok sendiri lar katekan.