you and i.

Thursday, January 31, 2008, 7:35 AM

Today is Slack Day at school. I did nothing, except to find an example of a product. haha! Anyhoos, Lee was bored too, therefore she edited for me 2 pictures of me. One is a candid shot, and one is from me. She just learnt how to do Pohotshop, so yea, I go with the flow, you know. Thanks anyways, bitach! =)

And my team today was bored, and doing our Second meeting, we take stupid pictures of us. Haha. And it turned out super duper hilarious, and while others were doing the worksheet, and the Faci looking at us, we made stupid faces. And I have to agree, Ikhlas still look stupid and disfigured at every picture. Stupid gay boy. Chillex eh bro. haha!

And we imagined we are sibling and go to school together IF WE REALLY DO HAVE THAT FACE. confirm kena bully rabak punyerrrrr! hahaa.

And Faci bought us Pizza Hut and we eat while not listening to presentation. HAHA!

And I cant believe we left with 2 more days before we seperate class =( BELIEVE IT!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008, 1:00 AM

Didnt attend school for today. And I dont think I will mis sthat Enterprise Faci. Haha! Anyhoos, went to Jurong East to configure iLi's laptop. And after that ot Bugis to get some things. And to Peninsular and i got 2 skinnies. And when I got back, my house is ful of Rugby guys. Just because 35 of them are at my home, to visit my sick brother. haha. how sweet gitu kan? and all of them are guys! my house is like so full lar sey. I really got nothing more to update. haha! tomorrow schooling, let's see what will Joshua buy for our class.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008, 12:22 PM

The last day of Culture Module. Faci bought us a cake. And being me no shame, I said it was my brithday! And that my birthday was exactly one month ago! And my sweetest class btiches and the faci sang ME abirthday song! haha. Celebrating my 17 years and 1 month old. And I got to cut the cake! haha. I am so noo shamee! haha. Anyhoos, my performance in class today is sucky. First, I came late because the bus system of 969 in Tamp inter really sucky la! And this is my first time attending class late! Haha. Not going to sch tomorrow! Going shopping with iLi. I want to buy jeans mannnn. I also want more tops. But i need to buy jeans. And i want skirt man! alaaaa. Someone give me money can? haha. And I miss Lee chatterbox's mouth today! Really! Im going to miss it forever la after this week. =( Anyhoos, I realised my post today got a lot of HAHA! haha. (:

Monday, January 28, 2008, 1:01 PM

MrNiceGuy just talked to meeeeee. He claimed that he missed me. I was happy gitu lorrhh. Oh wells, not much of talking. I try not to. I dont wish to, you know, things go more than that. anyways, I think he's much more happier with his girlfriend for now. And I am glad for him, really really. (: And Im so bored at home, I watched South Park, and Im done with one season. HAHA! and laughing at those stupid idiotic morons. (: Tomorrow last day of Culture and Aesthetics Module! Lat week of school. =(( I SO DONT WANT TO CHANGE CLASSSS.

, 10:25 AM

Ive been bloghopping to many2 different blogs. And I even came across MrNiceGuy's ex girlfriend. Maybe it is a small world. Yes, MrNiceGuy is so called a popular guy in the cyber world. And if i say out his name, some of you may know him even. (: oh wells, things got a bit messed up between us, and we think its better to stop, and I think im grateful because I didnt loved you. Not even once. So, im not suffering like I was before with other guys.

Anyhoos, there's tons and tons pretty laydees man! Like seriously, too many! And i got so envious and jealous. I guess Im one of those unlucky people who is not beautiful. Oh shiat, who the hell care, for now. Eventhough how much my life is such a dread, I accept things as what they are. (: Im one of those big and fat women, but Im pretty much contented with my life. And who cares if you want to bring me down just by saying im just a few centimeters larger than you. Who cares if you have a prettyface but a foul heart and mouth? I dont pretty much believe in karma, but hell, what goes around, comes around, I hope. (:

On the other note, Im so jealous of people around me having boyfriends, and to have their loved ones having to be by their side like 24/7. Jealous deyyy aku. Sometimes, I miss having someone to call me in the middle of my class, and I have to whisper to them or run out of the class to talk to them. Or to have someone to text me in the middle of school where Im squeezing my brain juice out, and make me smile. Not any someone, well, someone who steal my heart gitu lorrh. Macam sweets gitu kan? I really havnt felt that way for wayyyyyyy toooo looonnngggg (sorry for the exaggerating explainations! ) But, really lor, like so long alr never felt that way. (:

Find me a boyfriend can? HAHA! (:

EH,IM 17 YEARS OLD AND ONE MONTH TOMORROW! WHATS THE BIG DEAL KAN! KAWAN AKU DA 18 SIAAAAA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. OK DAR, BYE! (:

Sadness has me at the end of the line

Helpless watched you break this heart of mine

And loneliness only wants you back here with me

Common sense knows that you're not good enough for me

And all you had to do

Was apologize, and mean it

I wish like hell I could go back in time

Maybe then I could see how

Forgiveness says that I should give you one more try

But it's too late, it's over now

You didn't say you're sorry

I don't understand

You don't care that you hurt me

And now I'm half the man

That I used to be when it was you and me

You didn't love me enough

My heart may never mend

And you'll never get to love me

Again

Sunday, January 27, 2008, 4:09 PM

im sick and tired of blogging about how i am sick and tired how my parents treat me. -_- ''

urgh! they're really getting on my nerves every day passed man! damn. at one point of the time, i can turn into a monster, and screamed at her, but i am never going to do that! to think of it, i have never been disrespectful towards my parents, they are just being too whiny about having this faithful daughter. No, really. I don't scream, I listen to what they say, eventho how much I think Im not at fault. And I hesitantly allowing them to discard my weekend freedom, and I tell you I never meet my girls for like 3 weeks already! 3 weeks staying at home, parents, I think if other teenage girls like me would prolly cursed you to death and scream and run away from home. Yet, you guys still blame me for everything Ive done as if Ive not learnt my lesson enough. Suke gitu eh? Korang suker eh buat gitu kat aku? All I need is that you guys to be fair to me. Ergh, stupid. This wont be happening if that one asshole leak out information about me clubbing and drinking to them! Korang suker eh aku tak dpt klua? Korang pala buto, bodo! Now, besides that I cant go drinking, clubbing, I cant even fcuking go out in the day, just because they scared I will be doing all those stuffs yet again. So, parents, tell me, if by doing all these, you think I can change? If only you knew, I hate all these. I wished you guys will never find out. But no, you guys preferred to know and see, you guys are hurt, and im the one suffering too? Fun aye? Fcuk you!

PS; sorry for the over usage of vulgarities written. (:

This song made me miss my girls like damn damn much lar seyy. Go find the lyrics and listen to it lar eh. (: And really man, Im seriously missing my girls, like many2! haha. ape cakap?! (:

Saturday, January 26, 2008, 5:00 PM

And not forgetting, today, 26th January, its one of my dearest babe hatchday!(:

HAPPY 18 BIRTHDAY MAISARaH ANAK ROSLI. (:

We've been friends for years, and we've gone through many shiats together as a whole group of loyal girlfriends. We partied hard, we played hard, we studied hard, we gossip hard, we cried hard, we laughed hard, we insult each other hard and et cetera.

But at every end of the day, we still know we love each other. We be there for each other no matter what shits and what other bitches said about you, about us. We know you better than those bitches out there, and any guys out there who thinks they stand a chance for you but reality they are just a bunch of arsehole. And to that guy who now owns your heart, or who have your heart. Screw them if they break it alryts (:

And just be patience with love, it will come and find you one fine day, dont go searching for it. Ive seen you suffered enough, darla.

And we girls will be right by your side, and a phone call away, as always. And your Lo Que Paso Paso will knock any one down, if they try harming you. HAHA!

and yes, you're the Vice Chairman of Quorfaine. (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIATCH! (:

, 4:44 PM

I just came back from the hospital at fifteen minutes past twelve midnight. My brother was admitted to the hospital because theres a crack or he fractured his ankle. It was super swollen, and he either have to go for operation, or use casting. Omg, only God knows how much I hate the sight of pains and stuffs nots. And also int he hospital just now, I vomitted, cause I just dont like the smell of the hospital. Stupid fcuk! Oh wells, whatever! Im turning in soon. (:

, 11:14 AM

60 words

http://10-fast-fingers.com">free Touch typing

i must beat karenn of her 62 words! i still cant imagine i type one word every second. ahhaaa.

64 words

http://10-fast-fingers.com">Touch Typing online

Yayyy! at last 64! hahaha. (: Ok, i so addicted with online games and stupid onine stuffs in schools. And i couldnt even be bothered paying attention during meetings and presentations. HAHA! I can smell the holiday nearing! one more week left! and not the same class as tht bitches. =(((((

Friday, January 25, 2008, 1:57 PM

a new year, i was hoping so much for something good to happen to me. Maybe i expect too much, hoping for too much. My life sucks, like seriously. Yesterday, parents were at home. And they were busily sleeping. But around 10, when i was watching television, my Dad woke up, and as usual, called up his employees. I thought he would do the usual stuffs like ask them about sales and stuffs nots. BUT NO. I guessed it was one of his employee birthday. my dad said to another employee, " Faster go buy for him a cake, before it turns midnight. Use the sales money" I was like, he didnt even bought me a cake for MY BIRTHDAYY! he wasnt that eager. ergh. I cried thinking about that. and i went to sleep crying thinking about it. Fuck everything can? I want to settle down, but I cant find anyone to settle down with. It sucks. When I find someone who is all nice and sweet, there are jsut too many obstacles for us. Argggh. OMG. im so pathetic. I just realised im so darn pathetic. (:
Written; 10.47 AM

[edited]

Holy shiat, Im getting fatter. Im going to really really lose some weight. Like seriously this time. And i really really want to go for that Cambodia Service Learning Trip. I want i want! and i really desperately need a holiday. Ive been craving for one. I want go somewhere far. Maybe i take a two day off and tell my parents i want stay overseas, and maybe force them to go to the neighbouring country with me, can? Oh brother, tell me how, if I dont even talk to the FINANCIAL ADVISOR, daddy-o? ergggh. And eventhough I didnt cried for you, I still missed you so much. and, its very much. Oh wells, and speaking of that, its his gf birthday today. I guess they are happily over there, celebrating her birthday. Oh wells, I couldnt complain much, I dont really care. And I have never celebrated a REAL valentines day, to think about it. I really really want to settle down, but guys are just the pain in the arse, who goes for girls with looks, and people like me tend to lose alot.yes, to think about it, not only the inner beauty is important, the outer too, huh? But am i THAT ugly? (:

Written; 9:57 PM

Thursday, January 24, 2008, 10:40 AM

I slept like a pig yesterday. All thanks to the 5 pills i swalowed. Crazy? I think so. I was desperate for sleep I guess. Prolly, if i cant get to sleep today, I'll be popping those pills. Its really gooood you know. I slept and slept. and I woke up at 12 in the afternoon, without any disruptions or waking up. (: And I felt like im having a bad hangover when I woke up. Really really bad. I was dizzy and I couldnt even walk properly. Oh wells, whatever. School tomorrow, such a drag, as it would be Basic Science, which isnt so basic. And UT beore that. Oh brother! And I couldnt be bothered studying for it. Cause Im having a major headache. And whats more, parents are at home, and its really making my skins all irritated. Only God knows.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008, 1:07 PM

I dont know why. But my head spins, and I feel like vomitting. I did felt that way in class just now. But luckily, I didnt vomitted. And when I reached home, when I tried to eat, I vomitted like a merlion. Yes, seriouslyy. Omg, i swear I dont know why. It hurtss, I hate vomitting. Fcuk shiat. Ok, bye, i gtg. Vomitting again. ergh. how worst can my life get? WORSTTT. (:

[edited]

I cried. Not because of any guys. but talking to Haikal about my family problems made me teared so bad. Urgh, fcuk. Now im in a state of mess. And now when Im sick, im trying to sleep, I cant. I just swallowed 3 flu pills and that will make my head drowsy anytime soon. I think im eating another 2 more so I can sleep like a log. I have not catch enough sleep man. I really really really need a heart to heart talk with someone close. Girlfriends maybe? Oh dear God, make my family better. Ok, my head is heavy now, I think I will be turning in now.

, 8:24 AM

My parents are really driving me crazzyyy. Damnn crazy. Dad is treating me like a stranger. And everytime he talk to my other two younger siblings, he would always says Im the bad one, and I dont treat them well. Oh fcuk! so, what i am to you now? A stranger? Fine, if thats the way you want it. I cant be bothered. And now, if im a stranger to you, why cant you just dont care about me at all? Why must you ask my brothers and my maid where I go, what time I came back home. Like hello, Im frigging seventeen! you weren't like this before. I know I was at fault, but for now, I promise I will change. What do I get from just sitting at home? Do you think I cant be bad still?! Do you think its fair for me? I cant go met my friends that often anymore. What do you treat me for? You guys were never at home most of the time, AT THE FIRST PLACE. jolly well, stop saying you're making money for us./ because ITS YOUR FREAKING OWN BUSINESS, and you guys are the boss, and you can stay at home! So, now what you want from me?! be a good girl? Good girls to you guys meaning just stay at home, and act like an angel. and dont talk to any of you guys! is that what you want? Fine, I cant be bothered. My life is screwed anyways. And Im a no life kid. SO, now, I have strangers in the house.

[edited]

anyhoos, im letting go of Bacin for now. Its because of the gf's bitchy attitude. Oh wells, back to singlehood life, and mingle all the way huh. (: The good thing is that, actually, I only like him. No feelings of love. Thats why, its easy for me to approve of this desicion. No worries, Im all right. really i am. And yes, no tears fall for him. Thank goodness. Yay! Hhaha. oh wells, Im not expecting much thou from anyone. (: No worries, we are still on good terms. We're still friends. (:

Tuesday, January 22, 2008, 9:00 AM

I find myself staring into the blank spaces, and the walls. And smiling to myself. Oh dear God, I dont wish this friendship to end so fast. Even it doesnt happen between us, I want him to know, I be there for him, everytime, always. Eventhough, I can be bitchy towards him sometimes. (:

, 6:51 AM

Im at home, and Im wide awake. Eventho, I slept late last night duer to talking to Bacin. Im not going to school, meeting Bacin todayyy. Ok, meeting him like another 3 hours, before he goes to work. And I have yet to wake him up. (: And Lee, dont worry, I have tons of juicy details to tell you. haha! see ya tomorrow bitchhhhh!

[edited]

I just came back. Met him for a while. it was just a short lunch meal we had together at Century Square. Because his boss called him up to come help at work much more earlier. haha. gerammm ajeee lor. Anyhoos, it was just a short decent lunch together. With those stupid jokes we had, laughing and shouting each other name, and made each other feel embarrased. Ohhh, tell me about it. And to help him search for his girlfriend present. But he got no idea what to buy for her. (: Oh wells. Im turning in. I feel knda sleepy. And I got nothing to do, and hes working. so i cant disturb him .(:

Monday, January 21, 2008, 12:30 PM

Oh my, dear Bacin is soo frigging irritating, yet still got the cuteness and charm in him. he called me up, and say see me online. So well yes, we chatted the usual nonsensical stuffs we always do. And we webcam-ed. haha. i swear, he is being so irritating and so idiotic. really really. making me laugh and laugh. the way he made faces. and stupid idiotic poses. And he called me up, and we talked on the phone while webcamming. haha. he is such an an idiot. tell me how cute he is, could you? haha. and oh yes, we talked on the phone last night till 5 plus. He told me that he wanted to go toilet, and call me back. And he didnt call me back. You know why? Cause he slept in the toilet, and forget about calling me. haha. Cause he was wayy to tired, and too stress about his problems. I know cause we were yakking on the phone for wayyy too long. And to hear him crying, and laughing, and talking all sweet, made me realise, what a friend he is. Oh wells. I cant help it, im just wayyy too happy. (: I have the print screen shots, but i dont want to upload it here, cause maybe it will cause problems. (:

, 12:25 PM

No happily never after,

that just ain’t for me, because finally

I know I deserve better after all,

I’ll never let another teardrop fall.

As she drove away she starts to smile,

Realized she hadn't for a while.

No destination, she drove for miles

Wondering why she stayed in such denial.

She was laughing about the way he shattered something else

To drag her suitcase down the path,

to the driveway.

she had never gone that far

I'm done, I'm done, said I'm so done

I'm free, I'm free, so free

Free to feel the way I feel, yeah.

She inhales a breath she'd never breathed before

Don't want no drama no more.

Im pretty much contented with life, really. really, really. i dont know why. Ive never felt this way for wayyy too longgg. yes, soo long. who cares what you people want to say about me. You dont know the situation im in. Even if things doesnt go my way, or his way. We know we will forever be friends. I dont ask for much. Just that, Im contented with what God gave me for now. With wonderful friends, and a Bacin Lover. (like what he stated) (: I still think life is wonderful, despite all those shiats im going thru with my family. And Im really really glad my friends re happy for me. And that is why I love you people. You know who you are. I love you guys very very much. But really, I have never felt this way since like, forever? Ask my old buddies, I swear really, Im all excited about this. About him. Why? I dont know. I swear I dont. But whatever outcome is going to face us for the future, I wont regret anything by knowing you and getting close with you. Cause you teach me a lesson You made me feel im the greatest, im the bestest girl ever. You made me happy after not being that happy for gazillion years alr. Really, really. Oh God, I cant tell you how much im happy with my life. really really i am. =))))))

And know what, i gtg. he just rang me up. haha. sukeeerrrr gitu lorrrrrrrhhhh. (:

, 5:08 AM

It was hard for you, too difficult to you, being in that kind of relationship. Im not someone who's going to see you hurt endlessly. So Bacin, I asked you why you still holding on to her. I asked you if you loved her, but you cant answer it. I know you're a nice guy, thats why you try to keep her happy by letting her do whatever she wants to you. Seeing you cry, getting hurt, and arguing with her, makes my heart ache too. Cause I know you're not at fault. And you know I'll be there for you, whenever, whatever. Whatever it is, I still love the way you sing and being so irritating. Cause you know why? I can be much more irritating than youuu. haha. (: Skipping school tomorrow, meeting Bacin prolly.

[edited]

I LOVE LEEEEEEEEEE. (:

oh dearest lee, i know how hott is MrNiceGuy.And how lovedumb he is. But oh wells, love make people go blind, darla.

On the other hand, I am prettymuch sure, your dearest Dann will treat you the right way. And just please dont abuse the bf. haha. Dont worry alryts, we dont have to share2. you have your sweet Dann, and I have my MrNiceGuy. (: I cant wait to team up with you and get high just by looking at his picturesssss. oh my godddddd. (: Ok, bye, i love leee.

Sunday, January 20, 2008, 12:22 PM

It has beeen soo soo long since my heart feel this way. Oh dear God, I know its a good feeling, but I know it wont last that long. For now, im pretty pretty much happier with my wonderful life, having a best friend. (: I thank you God for having someone to accept me despite all those ugly flaws I have. Oh my, seriously, I have never been happier than this. I can scream and now I can smile everytime. =)))))

Saturday, January 19, 2008, 1:25 PM

As for now, things are all right at home. And I thank God. My parents know about it, and I think, they rather not ask me. And I feel so wrong and bad whenever I talk to them. However, to get back to them, I will listen to them, and stay at home for this 2 weeks. Oh dear, my life sucks. oh wells, I just dont want to dissapoint them further. (:

Dad, however, been not treating me like before. okay, whatever.

i feel so effing bored right now. ergggh.

On a brighter note, I have made a new and wonderful friend for now. And i really really like you, friend. No worries Quorfaine Addicts, you girls are still on my top priority list. Two more weeks of school. I cant wait, But on the other hand, I dont want to part with the bestest class ever. the bestest class bitches eveerrrrr. (:

, 7:57 AM

Visual Basic is so draining my energy. I got no energy now, and whats worst, we were given the simplest and easiet task to do for our Application, and we couldn't even manage to complete it. Oh wells, who care. Whats done is done. (:

Thanks for the two most important people in Quorfaine. Chairman; Wahtee and Vice- Chairman; Mai Braddy for calling me up endlessly last night. Actually I was asleep, only woke up wth the many missed calls Mai Braddy gave, the text msg from my other fellow concern friends. And I woke up. And thanks babes, for those concerns, and just hope everything will be fine for me.

And Im much more closer with this guy, HAHAHHA, which I shall just call him MrNiceGuy rather than MrPhysicallyAbused which Lee suggested. haahaa. And looking at his picture somehow enlighten me during when I was stressing myself on the VB codes. And I will irritate Lee everytime with his oh so hot looking pictureee. And oh god, thank youuu leeeee for tolerating my obsession about him for just now. HAHAHAHAHA. ok done, i shall stop blogging about MrNiceGuy, cause I think he's driving me crazy. hahahaa. okok, im done.

i think nurul have a crush on Mr.PhysicallyAbused/MrNiceGuy...haaahahahaha...she has been lookingg at his pictures since yesterday..and she has been giggling to herself like a crazeeeee woman...but i still love her okay! i will molest nurul now..tata.. HAHAHHAHAA! *lee*

Friday, January 18, 2008, 7:19 AM

fuck my life for noww. my life is totally screwed up, and thank you, but i prefer not to be asked. i thinki be on haitus for the time being. and now fear is taking over me. stupid asshole who told my parents about that. I hate my life for no, and thanks to that asshole. Ad I hate my life for now, seriously. Oh great, now, can I go die? Ok bye, wont update till i get back and feel like it. screw my lifeeee. screw everything for now. so, now im a no life kid. how nice huh?

, 4:24 AM

im deaddddd. seriously dead. i think my parents know about my liesssss.

im deaddd. fine, beat me for all i care, if you want to. I know im wrong. but please dont think my friends or i have a boyfriend who does all that. Oh please, nooo. im seriously dead. Like really really dead. erghhhhh. so much for 2008. (:

Thursday, January 17, 2008, 3:53 AM

im so freaking ored. having second meeting in class right now. and i know what to answer, but my mouth just cant seems to open up. oh dear, I think holidays are kinda near and it makes me feel so slack and lazyy to be harworking. im so bored, and ive beenyawning and yawning in class. and when the faci looked at me, I just smile, andgive a dumb face. haha. (:

three more weeks of schooling, and ten weeks of holidaysss. i miss holiday, so parents can I have a short getaway to somehwere quiet, and let people mis sme for a moment. And daddy is being so bitchy nowadays, because she still thinks im the little princess of him who is still a 5 year old kid. Oh please, for goodness sake, Im 17, and turning 18 this yr. I cant even have my freedom of going out. And they let my 16 year old brother out. How air is that? Tell me... And daddy has been threatening me as if he knows ive gotten myself in a bad comapny, and bad lifestyle. And daddy, better stop all these, before I got so worked up by your attitude and by not letting me have my percentage of freedom.

Ive been a good daughter. And you jolly well know it. I dont wish for you to know what Ive done behind your back, cause its not nice. and daddy, i know your past, and you're much more worst, but i dont wish to reveal, cause afterall, you're still my daddy.

im not asking for much, I just need my every weekend freedom, and that will be enough. Still, you find that sucha big deal, dont you? Somuch for being a daughter, I rather be a son of yours. ergh.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008, 9:07 PM

Ive learnt new things in life eversince I met you. maybe since the day I've learnt how to appreciate every single things around me. you made me gain my confidence. and i know you cared about me too much. And thanks for all that, eventhough I don't thank you that much. But however, I think I'm in love with you, friend. I hate to like a friend. Cause once I did, my heart take over my mind, and do stupid stuffs to get you. But for now, its just me and my heart. I hate to say I love you. But I think its just affection that taking over. I hate i hate i hate this feeling. It make me crazy and wanting you to me and only me only. And I got jealous by some stupid girls who get close to you. And I only realise that I'm just one of your friends. See how foolish can my heart get? Dear heart, please don't make me lose a friend over the affectionate feelings for the second time. The first was a major disaster for me. And when I thought I'm all grown up and wiser, this stupid heart of mine have to take over my mind. And I'm pretty much sure my mind is much more mature than my heart.

Labels: foolish heart., stupid confession

, 3:09 PM

School was all right for today. Nothing much actually. Oh wells, I went back with iLi. And it was a really good talking and making stupid corny jokes. And girl, please dont be the next Wahtee, trying to talk in a lousy Indonesia accent. soo not righttt. haha. And on the way home, Daddy called, asking if I want to follow to Parkway Parade. Well, i went with bros taking the cab. And yet again, bro paid for it. (:

I only bought a shirt. And I was contented cause I really dont know what to buy, cause nothing is nice, or I dont need them at the moment. Ate at Banquet, as I was really really famished, and I think I ate a little bit too much. And ending up I have a full stomach, and resulting me in wanting to vomit out everything I ate. But I had quality time with the family. I think Daddy knows that Ive been a bad girl. I just hope he dont find out about me. I rather not have him find out. Oh wells, turning in a little late today. Prolly, a high percentage I wont attend Enterprise Module tmr. Miss me classmates! Esp karennnnn . (:

The shirt. (:

Monday, January 14, 2008, 2:38 PM

I met up with the girls for a while just now. I havent been out for quite sometime, and i guess parents are sure to be delighted. Oh wells, it was a pretty much decent short lepak session with them. With those laughters and stupid story tellings. And on a brighter note, Mamat got out of camp and texted me while I was waiting for the bus to meet the girls. Ader orang rindu aku apeeee. (: Oh great, tomorrow schooling, there will be Computing UT. and i swear I never study. And I guess naother D? I got all 3 Ds for those 3 UTs. How terrible can i get? WORST. oh god, i lost touch and hope in everything, really. and it sucks.

[edited]

It's close to eleven and here I am cant seems to get some sleep. I dont know why. Tell me something. Why cant the heart be controlled by me? Why must it go anyhow and anytime, like someone and have these shitty feelings? I miss that someone, a whole lot. I promised myself I wont bug you. And its been months or years since we last heard from each other. But this stupid and foolish heart of mine just wont listen to my mind, which repeating says that I cant miss you, and I cant hang on to you like before. We were once, okay make it THRICE, being together. Why cant we continue our beautiful like before? Why cant your family accept I'm not yours anymore? Why cant I met you for the last time and cry in your arms? I'm not asking you come back to me, I just miss you. That's all. I wonder why must you throw away our years of memories together, and start a new and pretend we NEVER really know each other. Tell me how you deal with it, boy? Cause its been years, and you still stuck on my mind. And eventho how much I want you out of it, I cant bare to let loose of those fond memories of knowing you for five years. Enough of ranting, I guess its just too late for everything. Boy, wherever you are, I hope the wind will send my love for you just for tonight.

, 5:18 AM

the reason for Hiatus was because I somehow lost the hope of living for a moment.

too much on my mind. too much time spend thinking about the hurtful past.

its one of the worst moment in my life, just yet. too much reflecting doesn't bring any good i guess. I don't know why these tears fell for the last 3 nights. I really don't. It will fall, and leading me to have massive eye bags in the morning. I'm too tired of life. For now, I don't wish to care, really. I'm too tired of school, friends, boys, and brothers. Parents are fine for now. I think I cant blame them for not being there for me, I guess I cant open my heart and tell them about my problems. Let me bear them by myself. I'll be all right after a few sessions of crying and pondering about my stupid problems. For now, come what may. I gave up on trying and pretending to be perfect and stuffs nots. Oh wells, nevertheless, thanks for those who cared to ask about my condition the past days. Lee, Wahtee, Karenn (eventho you don't really ask but thanks for making me laugh so hard.) and those online friends. Oh wells, I'm all right for now. I guess. (:

Friday, January 11, 2008, 2:09 PM

another bigg argument with haikal. best apppeeeee!!! (=

oh wells, i started it cause I just feel the need to make him angry and I miss arguing. so ya, I started all of it.

im tired of this blog. im tired of having a friendster account. im tired of going to school. im tired of people calling me this and that. im tired of everything. and my life is just nothings but some stupid problems caused by me.

can i have one best friend who can ring me up every seconds, and make me feel good, and meet me not only on weekends, but everytime we misses each other, talking about everything in the world?

can i? seems like everyone is having their own commitments with their loved ones. and im left here all alone, bored to death every night.

ok enough of the rumblings aite.

i colour my nails and go to sleep. and tomorrow fridayyyyy.

and then 3 more weeks to end YEAR ONEEEEE.! (:

can i have a boyfriend like everyone have? im so lonely siaaaaaaaaa. my life is sooo boring and mundane. its been years i had a real one.

, 1:50 AM

Link to your tagger and post these rules. List eight (8) random facts about yourself. Tag eight people at the end of your post and list their names (linking to them). Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blogs.

1. I tend to get cold and shiver, and cant seems to talk when I see hot guyss around. Even its a freaking hot weather. i dont know why. and i always shiver most of the time. go see my leg, and you can literally see them shaking. (=
2. i talk to myself. may be common, but i talk to myself, as if im perfect. pretend im pretty and stuffs nots. haha.
3. I never take life seriouslyy.I think life is a joke.
4. i always tell lies. i dont know why. i love to. its jsut white lies thou. :)
5. I cant keep something to myself. I either tell my close girlfriends or my maid, seriously.
6. i love to stare at people and make them feel wanted. but actually naaahhh. haha.
7. I hate guys. sometimes i want to turn into a lesbian. haha.
8. I aam stingy about money. nyeahhaa.
So here's my eight ppl:
Whoever wants to do it alryt. I cant think of anyone who is hardwroking as me to do it. (:

Thursday, January 10, 2008, 11:15 AM

i had a good team today in school. well, maybe just because the idiotic ikhlas who's in the team, who acts like a rabbit and make me laugh all the time.

thankss eh mattt.

haha. from doing stupid accents, talking to his spoilt phone, laughing during other presentation while he took funny pictures of himslef.

and with that, i read off his slide, which i thought was mine. haha. and it was so mixed up.

oh wells, today was pretty all right. another 4 more weeks to 10 weeks of holidays!!!

tell me what am i going to do during that 10 weeks. i sweaar i dont knowwww.

and i felt touched when haikal took picture with his bike, and i saw the watch I gave him on his wristtt. haha. ok sorrry. :)

oh wells, he told me he's always with his bike, and i told him to get married with it. and he actually say he would love to if he can. erghhh.

oh wells, i dont care.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008, 11:44 AM

school was alryt. with the usual crowd, with their usual nonsense.

being racist and gay always. :)

except for I was with the shittiest team ever in that class for the next 4 weeks of Culture & Asthetic Module.
ergghh.

and how am i suposed to get good grades? oh wells, wtvr.

i'll be bored cause noone to accompany me on the phone. Girlfriends are busy with schools.

and Mamat enter jungle todayy. sempat budak tuh msg aku kacau aku. haha.

bored siaaa. tell me how boring can life be when you're seventeen.

i swear this post is so random cause im so bored at home, and im hungry, and pimples outbreak.

i think Miss Little Red is coming soon. ughh.

[/edited]

since its the new year, and since its the legal year for the 1990's babies. people been talking about being legal and stuffs.

bragging here and there about them reach the legal age earlier than me. oh wells, i think it doesnt matter to much to me. because what matters being legal to me for now is just to get my hands on my license.

to think of it, only at the age of seventeen in this small country, i did so many things which only legal age can do.

drinkning, clubibng, smoking.

eventho i dont smoke. well a few puffs from my idotic girlfriends.

yes, all those sweet sins. its shocking and to think back, after doing all those for the past years, I dont find being legal quite matter.

maybe just enter a larger scope of the clubbing scene. but oh wells, prolly i will be quitting after enjoying for 2 years or so.

not bragging, but to think of it, having all these taste of being legal got no excitement for me if i legally turn eighteen.

but all that doesnt really matter, cause to me being legal, you're an adult alr.

so, if you're still acting like a shild when ur eighteen. you might as well go and die. haha.

and i so cant wait to take up my driving license. really really really.

and having parents to sponser for me for the fees and my own car after that, how heavenly can that be?

and i will try appreciating and have fun this year so much betterthan the previous year.

lets just see for the next 12 months, what things will hppened?

what secrets will my parents find out from me yet again?

and listen to stories about gfs going to legal club, and listen to their brags about being legal yet again. oh dearrrrr. -___-

im going to spend valentines alone yet again.

and prolly i can predict im going to be single yet again for 2008.

and i really cant wait to have a complete Quorfaine outing.

cause Mas will be out from home.

eventho how much you dont appreciate us, eventho how much you treat us like strangers eversince you've been sentenced.

we're still your girlfriends.

ok, hopefully everything's going to be smoooth ride for this yearrr. :)

Monday, January 07, 2008, 12:21 PM

the last day of term break. and tomorrow school is starting. luckily, the classmates are bunch of funn assholes. :)

im so bored and rotting at home. Parents asked me to go for dinner with them at Bali Thai, but i declined, cause im too lazy to get ready.

sometimes, i think, i may be laughing, smiling, and have a great friends and acquaintances. but somehow, when every one is happy with their loved ones, and im left at home infront of the lappy, i feel kinda empty.

the feeling sucks. and i dont wish to ponder about it all night. cause it will make me keep thinking about it.

oh wells, its just some things that was on my mind lately.

on the other note, Haikal Bodo has never fail, i repeat never fail to text me early in the monring and wishing me a good morning and with some texts which i find touching.

i wonder why he does that. its weird, when i want someone who wants to do that to me, now he's doing it to me, i just find him weird.

however, i only replied to him once. i honestly dont know what to do. i just cant give anymore chances to him anymore.

oh wells, its impossible between us rather.

Sunday, January 06, 2008, 6:09 AM

Argh, im all stressed cause I need to do some translation for Dad. Kopitiam is such an asshole millionaire, who cant find for themselves their own translator.

I have to translate a whole stack of Information Kiosk about LauPaSat. tell me about it.

and my Malay Language is not that good. And Im not even half way done. And Dad wants me to complete it by Sunday.

ok, i should stop complaining. hahaa. but its really stressing. I hate translating, and whatsmore this is about history of LauPaSat. ok enough. haha.

i received presents from aunts. and cash from granny. :) that made me happy.

luckily I have cash at hand now, with the salary I got from Mama. However, I have to treat Mamat the next time he booked out from camp, cause I lost a bet made with him. and you know, he no shame, want me to treat him.(:

However, Im a woman of words, and will therefore, treat him to a nice dinner.
Prolly it will be next 2 weeks, cause hes going into the jungle and be in camp for dayssss. and both of us will be very busy.

but oh wells, at least, he told me, I can save much more money for the dinner. omg, this guy totally no shame.

oh wells, on a brighter note, school's starting another 2 more days! somehow, or somewhat, I cant wait, but i rather be sleeping at home. haha.

and I know my lovely classmates missed me a whole lot. i know, no need to tell. :)

haha. ok, i should get back on my fingers to do the translating.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008, 4:59 PM

my life is so fucked up. it can never be the way i expect it to be.

whyyyyyy?!!! ergh. i got so jealous over such little things, when i wasnt supposed to care, actually. not about haikal bodo please.

and now that haikal bodo is trying to be nice back to me, and make it up to me for every wrong he did, i coouldnt care less. really. i got no more feelings for him.

say what you people want to say. im fickle minded, further more, me and haikal got nothing to do with each other. tell me how am i supposed to feel secure.

urghhh, fine, whatever.

i got pissed, and i feel like crying. parents are always blaming me just becausse im the eldest. urgh! i fucking hate that.

i hate my life for now.

so much for a HAPPY new year. fuck it. fuck everything.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008, 5:18 PM

happy new year! :)

i cant believe its already 2008! omg, time flies so fast, and im getting older. oh noo.

can i stay in the teen age years, rather than being older. but i really want to get legal.

i know, my birthday just past, and this year, 2008, is my legal year! haha.

i cant wait, really. because I can take up my driving license when i turned 18, and get a car straightaway. oh bliss! but i guess, its still months to goo.

haha. i so cant wait to have my hands on my own car. haha, feeling like orgasms gitu kann? hahaa.

ok, im turning in nowwww.