I find it funny, when everytime I want to get hitched and serious with someone, there's always the presence of another party. Not bragging, but Ive been going out with different guys, just for the fun of it. I rarely talk about who I am going out with, who I am serious with, to anyone. Not even girlfriends. Well, I find it maybe we have the different mind set about relationship with guys. So, I rather keep a hush about it. But now, when I only hope that one person to be serious with me, well, I can only hope, you see. However, I always dont give my all when it comes to this, and maybe I am good at playing pretend, making people see I am strong and can live without him. Or maybe its just my plain ego. Yes, I admit Im egoist, especially when it comes to this. I have heard many guys that I went out with saying me that I am a very egoist person. One of them said to me, "I know you are not being yourself. The way you talk especially, you want to show guys that you are strong, and will never take in their sweet nothings to heart, but you are just hurting yourself. And you have so much 'i-dont-knows' in your life." Yes, maybe its true what they say. But you know, once bitten, twice shy. I am doing tis just to be careful. I am afraid, I admit, that I am afraid to get hurt. Well, I dont mind falling in love. But falling out of it, its very difficult for me. Ive suffered enough in the past relationships. Im just learning from experience. I can get a boyfriend, but I rather not. I am not ready. Maybe the answer is just that I am afraid. Till when? I aint sure myself. And seeing the people around me getting hurt by love, it got me thinking more. Yes, maybe going out with flings may be fun, but at the end of the day, I ask myself, till when will I be like this. I may be young, but I am not always young. =)
