you and i.

Thursday, July 31, 2008, 7:22 PM

I didnt go school yesterday, and also today! Yes, lazy. Im too tired to wake up and to move my butt to the washroom. But Im hardworking to go out and loiter around. Haha. Im supposed to start my work on Wednesday, but because the uniform hasnt arrived, so Im working this Saturday. Weekends gone in a blink of an eye, but its okay. I wanted this, Moolahs, work my ass off, and take mind off things. So yea, hopefully its a good start! :D

I know, I am playing with fire. You and I both know very well know about that. But we just wished to spend time together like any others. I want to be happy, you're there for me, everytime, and every moment. But things are much more complicated than it can ever be. I cant have you for real. Its only for now, and we know very well what the future lies for us. Both our heart will get hurt and damaged, but thats life, its all about risk taking. Its either you game for it, or you miss the thrill. I know what Im doing isnt something ethically right. But hell, I need to break the rules and ethics some time. Like they say, 'Guys are bastards, Girls are bitches.' So, dont we go very well, then? Its all just the matter of time.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008, 5:50 PM

Last Sunday, went over to Town, to shop with the family. I didnt bought anything much. But the spend time with family over at Town was definitely worth it. I only bought two tops from Topshop, an Esprit watch, a Nike flip flo, an Adidas belt and lingerie from Marks And Spencer. Thats all, whereas, brother bought a loooot of tops. I should have bought more tops man!
Buuuut, Im glad I got the watch already.

I wanted to get a Fred Perry sneakers, but Daddy said that would be another round of shopping. Haha! When? I dont know. It's only once in a blue moon we have this family shopping trip, so thats why me and brother will burn a hole in my parent's pocket that one time. Nyehahaha.
After tired of shopping, we were contemplating where to have our dinner. Parents wanted Swensens, but since, we spend so much on shopping already, me and brother said we would want to have seafood over at the Youth Park there. Yes, sedaaaaaap. Haha. People were looking at me, cause Im carrying too many paper bags. Not my stuffs okay. Mine and brother's. He's sucha an ass, find excuses for me to carry his. He said I like to look like ' Tai- tai', so he chuck everything to me. Haha. Me and the brothers took cab back home then. And it was definitely a nice day spend with family. No quarrels or disagreements. How nice. I want more of that please. Yes, shopping, Mama. Haha.

Annnnnd, I think I will be back to my old self. What is it? For me to know. Haha. But not going to have my heart involve with anyone at the moment. I had enough. They come in my life, saying sweet nothings, made me fall for them, and then go away and then came back in my life, like as if nothing happened. Excuses here and there, I dont trust any of those anymore. I had my share of worrying about you, there's no reason for you to go away for that long, and to come back just to pretend nothing happened, and to start everything all over again. But, Im all good, no worries.

betapa ku mengerti
sebagai selingkuhanmu
kuharus menjalani ikatan yang tersembunyi
ku mencoba bertahan meskipun menyakitkan
tak menyisakan sebuah sesal di hatiku

mungkin kurelakan untuk kau tinggalkan
diriku disini harus mengakhiri
aku yang merasa lelah dan menyerah
karena tak selamanya selingkuh itu indah
biar kan cerita kita berpisah adanya
bila memang kita tak mungkin bersama selamanya

Ever heard of people relating their life to a song? Yes, now, this is what mine is all about. Go figure. Eventhough this will end, both of our hearts will break. Maybe I dont love you, just that, this is an experience for me, for you, and the people around. You know what I mean.

Sunday, July 27, 2008, 2:23 PM

Okay, I wanted to update, but Im just too lazy to edit, upload and type what has been happening. Haha. So, today is the only day Im not lazy to do all that. Haha. First off, things has been, I shall say a roller coaster ride for me over here. Its very weird and funny to me, that this is happening to me. Its weird that, when I tell to someone my problem, they may think im desperate for love or whatsoever, but honestly, Im not. I mean, Ive been like single most of this time. Just that, you know, it sucks knowing the other one from your past has moved on, and you are still there seeing him happily over there, whereas, you're hoping for a miracle to happen. Oh wells, you know, some people may just not understand. No, I dont want to hear the old good sweet stuffs, just that, I want to be more than happy. I am happy right now, but I want a difference in my life, Ive been like this for way too long. I sometimes wished that I can make my own fairytale come true. To live happily ever after, but reality check, I doubt so.

Anyhoots, last Friday was the dinner for Service Learners. It was sucha boring one, cause only 5 turn up from our team. Haha. We only went there to get free dinner. I didnt attend school that morning. I couldnt wake up from bed, you see. Haha.

And my Saturday was well spent with the girlfriends in the evening. Before that, I met up with Herman, supposedly to watch movies, but the timing wasnt in our favour, and the movies that were available wasnt appealing to us. So we had our lunch, and then a breather outside Plaza Singapura. And his colleague ring him up, and he was supposed to go back to his workplace, so I went to meet the girls over at Mai's place. Headed over to Beach Road, to have our dinner. And then proceed over to Arab Street to sheesha, again. I went back home earlier than usual, cause Dad has been nagging at me because Im always come home late at night.

That was how my weekend goes. And next weekend is a start for a whole new thing, hopefully, things will be fine and better for me.

Thursday, July 24, 2008, 8:53 PM

Another 3 more weeks of school, and then 3 weeks of holidays! Ohhh, I cant wait. And yea, I got myself a part time job already. And going to work my ass off, while at the same time, not neglecting my studies. So ya prolly I wont even have time for family, friends and any guys, and not even time for myself I guess. But its a good thing, to keep my mind away from thinking all those negative thoughts stuck in my head. And hopefully things will be brighter for me.

And yes, as you know, Im a very good friend. You disappeared a few weeks ago, definitely I was upset, but that's just parts and parcel of life to me. Some people are meant to enter my life and stay or just leave an impact and then go away for good. Its sucha normal thing already for me, but it still does hurt, very much. I know every doings have their own reasoning. Im not the kind who force and ask for all that, I respect each and everyone for their actions, cause I think people deserves chances. I myself made mistakes in the past, and the present, Im just trying to be someone better. But Im only human who never fails to make mistakes.

Whatever it is, I aint mad at you anymore. Maybe a bit disappointed, I shall say. But oh wells, I told you lets start from zero, and pretend this nightmare didnt occurred. Its easy to forgive, yes. But forget, maybe its a bit too difficult, but I can overcome it sooner or later. Let just hope for a new start for our new friendship.

Anywayssss, prolly Im going shopping with Mama this Sunday. To Town most prolly. I told her to treat me cause I sooo neeed retail therapy. Haha. Other than that, everything is faling into places, except for some little teeny weeny problem, but I guess its not my problem, its theirs. I dont like the feeling of hatred between friends, I just hope we can be better like how we used to be.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008, 11:25 PM

Tuesday today. Went off halfway from class. Before that, met Lee and Leon for lunch date. Romantic picnic at the Admiralty Park. Haha. Headed to meet Ili and Lina after that, proceeded to Town in search for Ili's dress. Its very irritating and tired cause with the laptops in our bags, its veryyy tiring and heavy. Walked around here and there. And by the end of the day nicest Ili treated me to a Starbucks drink. Thankksssss eh tetek! :D Took a breather and drank outside, and talk about this and that. And thanks once again Ili and Lina. :D

After that headed back to Tamp by train, all alone. Met up with the other girls at Tamp and proceeded to my area there. They had their dinner, but totally forget to pay for it. Haha. We swear we forgot to pay up. Its very funny laaa. Haha. Walked to under my block, and then changed for a while and played badminton over there. Lots of laughter and talking sessions.

Thats how my day basically goes. And tomorrow is Wednesday, usually Im always out with someone on that day,cause I have no school. But everyone is busy working, trainings, soccer matches, schooling, so I guess I will stay home in the morning and face my parents. Ugh! Haha. And evening meeting Mai to her work. Hope everything goes well tomorrow,then! My life is revolve around school, bestest girls in school, and also my darling Quorfaine. That's all, I swear.

No more other commitments. Nyehahah. Im tired already, I will hit the sack soon, and sleep like a baby. Gooood night, sweetest people! :D

And pssst Ili, Im only a pretty face, actually not pretty also laaaa. You potek or whaaaaaat! Haha. Maybe, just maybe its photogenic, but whatever for have the face, but not the body. Badan aku gini, sape nak! Kau bagi laki pon, laki tak nak! Nyehahaha. You're much more prettier laaaa. You ade boyfriend, I tak deeeee! Haha!

Monday, July 21, 2008, 8:21 PM

Its Monday, and the start of a new week. School is the same, just that I got the suckiest team ever for this semester. Ergh! I didnt gave my best obviously. Im beginning to become lazier since I got into poly. Especially this poly of mine. Haiyoooo. Haha.

Enough about that. Lunched with the previous semester classmate, was greaaaat. We talked about those 'open' stuffs. Its funny la, cause we talked that between two girls and one guy, but its very educational, eh Lee? Haha. Tomorrow lunching again together, okay? And we talk dirttyyyy again! Nyehahaha.

I miss how I used to blog everyday. Now, I either rarely have time, or I got no idea what to update about. And my language sucks every day. Haha. I should really go back on reading and learning new stuffs. So that, I can improve on all that.

Other than thaaaat, things at home are back to normal. Parents weren't on good terms the past few days, and it was really driving me crazy. I mean, they rarely fight nowadays ever since Little Brother was born six years ago. I still remembered before he was born, they fight most of the time. I was always in my room, crying and hoping things get better. Im not the kind who interfere with their arguments and fights, I will just go out from my room, and stare at my parents. Yes, I dont know why. Every time they fought, it made me sad and scared at the same time. Once Mama didnt went home for days, so you can imagine at that point of time I can just wish for her to come back home. Argh, okay, I can cry now thinking about our family past.

Other than that, things have been bright and better for the family it is. Just that, I think they are still too over protective of their only princess here. Haha. Its okay I guess.

I wonder, why cant I have the best of different worlds. I mean, yes I never had any problem with money, I do get everything I want, butttt, I dont get the freedom I desire. Haissss, I just have to wait till what, Im married I guess? Nyehahaha.

Okay, I really dont know what to blog about. Im going to play online games, and sleep late today. Should I go school tomorrow or not? Im sooooo lazy to. Grrrr. I think I should. I should buck up,really. :D

Good night, deariessss!

On another note, I miss booze, and late nights in the clubs. I want one soooon,please. Damn,Decemeber come first will you! So I will be legal. I want get high and dance all night like there's no tomorrow.

Sunday, July 20, 2008, 5:11 PM

Im back for another updates! Hehe. Went to Sheesha with the girlfriends and their boyfriends and brother at Arab Street. We met at evening time, and we proceed to Bugis, and headed for their dinner and then to Sheesha.
We spend time over there by playing the stupid idiotic game, talking about ghost stories and the classic, camwhoring! :D
Went home at midnight, and luckily for me, Mama didnt lecture me when Ive reached home, as she's at home. Dont ask me why she's home on a weekend, I odnt know either. Haha.
Anywayyys, pictures are up, I have to put them up individually, cause they will take it from my blog directly. Haha.

Labels: sheeshaaaaaa

Saturday, July 19, 2008, 2:07 PM

I know Ive not been updating regularly. Honestly, I got nothing to update, my life is sucha bore right now. Life's been so mundane and sometimes I questioned myself why am I here, what am I dong here. Sometimes, just sometimes, I think negatively, but by the end of the day I know that those who stayed by my side till now, are the ones that made my life worth it to live. Anyhoooooots, enough of all that yea. Haha.
Ive been spending time in school or jsut at home. Or just go walk around the neighbourhood and distress myself, without no reasons really. Haha. School has been the same, but Ive managed to maintain Bs rather than Cs now. And holidays are drawing neaaaar. Nyehaha. I cant wait. But ive yet to even start on my Professional Profiling. Soooon I guess.
And other than that, I guess my life is such a loner. My handphone has been dead eversince last 2 weeks ago. My hp is still with the service
centre, cause it broke down and still remain the same problem eventhough I collected it last week. Grrrr! And Im collecting it alone later. Other than that, my phone is still better off dead,if it has a life even. No more calls and no more text messaging with anyone at all except when Im meeting up with girlfriends or my parents are being those control freaks. But I tell you,its a rareeeeee for my phone to ring or a text message. On a brighter note, I can save my monthly bills cause last month it was wayyy toooo over my budget. Haha.

Ive been catching up alot with ex flames. Well, I wouldnt want to end a friendship just like that whaaaat. Im a very reasonable and a nice girl you knowww. Haha. Its good to hear some of them moved on, and having their special ones by their side. Sometimes its funny, those guys that I was once close to, most, yes MOST of them are happily attached. Not that Im going to swear them up and down, Im happy for them, really. Just that, it made me wonder, they are the ones who USED TO tell me what they told their current girlfriends, and sometimes I wonder, when will I get the right one. Grrr! Actually right, I dont care la. Im just going to enjoy life as it is, honestly. Its for the better, I guess. Im going to find a job soon, so I can treat my job like my boyfriend. Bahhhh! Hahhaa.

And last night was an impromptu plan to have late dinner with Mai,Shiera and Zul. The plan was to celebrate Zul's 19th birthday. So yea, it was the birthday boy treaaat! Asyik aku je blanje kat Lau Pa Sat! Nyehaha. So yea, me and Mai bought for him a birthday cake. We ate seafoooood. Nice you know to have someone treating us for dinner! Nyehahaha.

After the dinner, we cut and sang a birthday song for the birthday boy. It was already drizzling, and it was a bit windy, so yea, everytime we wanted to lit the candles it went off, so we do it without candles, and pretend to blow. Haha!

After all that, we were already full and bloated. Zul's friend drove me back home. They are going to watch midnight movies, so on the way there, they send me home.

It was a nice dinner,really. Talking about some stuffs nots, and making silly jokes at each other and laughing at people,without having hard feelings, its nice.

And ya, HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY ZULAZMI! :)

Meeting up with the other girlfriends later on! Oh, cant wait. Seeee, Ive got more things to think of rather than being down and miserable.Cheyyyy! Haha.
On a brighter note, I'm feeling a bit better after the break up. Only now I can see myself that. Some of friends know how much I went through the break up, the sufferings I did to myself, that is something personal, BUT, Im doing less of all that, cause I guess there's more to life than all that.
Annnd, to that one person, we used to go our own directions of life, no, infact it was YOU who told me to forget about us. Well I respected your decision eventhough it was hurting me so much cause I never did like separation. You wanted to focus on your career overseas, therefore, I, being a good friend, respect and gave you my well wishes. Eventually, you came back in my life last week, and saying you wanted to start it all over again. But despite our busy schedule and different walks of life, we tried everything to make it work. You and I know it was difficult, but I still am holding on to it. You told me you do still check on me eventhough we went separate ways, that was a sweet thing to do. You always make me smile every now and then. And I cant wait to meet you up again after soooo long already. You owe me a dinner and a ride to Singapore Flyer! I dont care. Hahaha.

Labels: never been better.