you and i.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008, 10:34 AM

Yayyyy! Tomorrow is Hari Rayaaaa. Actually, I sounde much more excited here than in reality. Ive got three sets of attire this festive. Two kebayas, an one baju kurung pengantin. Haha. Mama called it baju kurung pengantin because it was verrrry verrry expensive for a simple baju kurung, an it costed a bomb of near to $400. Hahahah! I was supposed to be the only one who will be out of colour, which is red. But Mama forced me to wear the same as the family. I was excited already jsut now, trying out my first day attire. Hehe. I sukaaaa you!

But as you know, I had a huge argument with the parents, last 4 days ago. And I have yet to talk to Dad. Its always like that when we are not on good terms, we wont talk for like dayssssssssss. Haha. Like the previous one, when they know about my bad habits. It took sooooo long to get things back to normal. What to do. I jsut have to set my ego aside, and talk to him first tomorrow, since its the festive season.

And as for today, I be working till eight. I want go do my hair, but then, I think I will skip the idea of it, since I be ending work late. And no kind soul would want to send me over there. Haha.

Actually, I was excited about this coming Raya when you said you will be buying the same colour shirt as me. And you told me to choose the shirt for you. But things didnt go our way didnt it? I left for good, and we both know somehow we deserve someone better. We both are very egoistic. But I did my part of saying sorry. And our plans for celebrating Raya together fails. But its okay. Ive always believed that things happened for a reason. Ive never blamed Him for every mishap or any bad things that happened to me. I am happy. At least, I think I am.

Sunday, September 28, 2008, 12:36 PM

Its like a cycle in life for me. Over and over again. Im used to this, actually. But the feeling still am intact eventhough it happens hundreds of time. It isnt wonderful, please.

Things havnt been at its best over here. Ive got conflicts with family over some issues. And yes, as usual, I cant be out till late at night, and the usual yadas yadas.

Im sick and tired of that, really. And whatsmore, the festive season is nearing. Ive yet to talk to Daddy for 2 days already. Enough of that already.

Life for me here, now isnt at its best. I found myself screaming, but without any voices out. I found myself blinded, and only tears in my eyes. It just hurts so much, that I really wait to end it all. I want to just be forgotten by people around. At least, I can just lead life miserably, alone. People call me desperate and pathetic where everytime I always think about is love, and just to cry. Sometimes, they just dont get what this heart is feeling. My heart, and yours, they go through a different phase. I hurt much more than you do. Only God knows. Honestly, Ive been stronger than the past. That's an achievement for me. Im just tired of life. People blaming me for this and that. Why cant they just understand and let me be.

Thursday, September 25, 2008, 9:56 AM

I had a fun time yesterday, with you. Since morning till it was close to midnight. All my troubles were gone for a day. Started off our morning to East Coast. We were contemplating to play pool or to bowl. I wanted to bowl, but you wanted to pool. Since Im a noob at pool,he volunteer himself to teach me. Yes, so we both had the pool place all to ourselves that morning. Because you tell me, who goes East Coast to play pool at 10? Hahaha. So yea, I suck at playing pool, and yes he taught me how to play. I was shy at first, but got the hang of it after a while. And he like to use praises on me everytime. And member maluuuu! hahaha.
We proceed to the beach after that. Before that, since both of us didnt fast, we bought some drinks to bring it over to the beach. After that we took bus to Bugis. Caught Mirrors. The story wasnt logical at all. But being the sensitive girl, I will always cry at some part of a movie. Haha. You didnt understand the movie, cause you had to go out of the theater for 15 mins to handle some phone calls about your job. And I had a hard time explaining it to you. Haha.
After movie, we actually planned to go Geylang at get you a baju kurung, but since some things happened, and we changed plan. We were searching high and low for his work place that he will be starting today. We then dropped down Town.
And I actually wanted to treat him to Fish N Co. We were actually laughing our ass off, and had a fun time together while walking to the restaurant. So actually before dining in, I have to withdraw my money, but that fucking machine doesnt have money inside, and have to actually retained my card. I was actually very upset. Upset because I cant keep my promise to you. We actually didnt ate the whole day eventhough we didnt fast. We were waiting for dinner. But you were there, hugging me and held my hands and telling me that everything will be all right. Since I didnt had any cash at hands, you offered to buy some drinks and spend our night over at Fort Canning Park.
I had a good time over there. Eventhough both our plan was cocked up. If you are close to me, you know how much I loveeee biting people. Haha. And yes, I bite him and leave marks everywhere. Haha. He did it to me too. And that really sucks cause it was very painful.
Eventhough it was just a humble day out, and plan didnt went well, I had fun with you.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008, 11:20 AM

You know how soft an weak my heart is rightttt. haha. Okay, Im veryyy sensitive one. I actually cried while reading some article about how other's loved ones are gone for the better. I cried so bad, that Mama laughed at me. And whenever I watch any movies or shows, I will definitely cry. Whatsmore, the festive season is soo nearing. Hearing all those festive songs only make my heart warm, and I did cried.
I may not have the perfect life, but Im glad I still got my families by my side.
I may not celebrate this special day with a speacial someone. But that all doesnt really matters much. And I cant believe Hari Raya is just next week. Haha. Tak puase, tak sabar nak raye!? Haha.
My fasting days are irregular I must say. I just want to meet up with my family members and have a good talk. As you all know, I rarely spend time with my parents, so this will be a good time for it. Where everyone will gather. My family is not that big either. I have a very small family. So its better, that I dont have KPO makcik and pakciks. ahaha. Just KPO cousins. hahaha.
And it would be better if they give me green packetssssss! :D
And no worries, I be giving packets to my granny this year! Member suker, member jakun! I want to, and am a responsible granddaughter. Nyehahaha.
So I will most prolly be breaking fast with Nana, her boyfriend and friends this coming Thursday. And tomorrow, I cant wait! Excited sangaaaaat! :D
And yes, I only slept for a pathetic three hours for yesterday. Super sleepy laaaa. I want to have a good rest this weekend. Oh shit, Im working. Haha. Well maybe one of the days. Im over at school now, hungryyyy la. Later Ili tetek will accompany me go makan! :D
Update laterrssss!

Friday, September 19, 2008, 11:58 AM

I ve been wanting to update, about this and that. But, do people really read everything up? Haha. Much things been happening.

Outing with primary school people, working, schooling, family, hari raya preparations and bla bla bla. Haha. Ive yet to receive those pictures, yet. So, I guess we'll just have to wait for the pictures and it clearly explains all.
School has been okay i guess. I got sucky grades, but Ive got no one to blame except myself. Work has been okay.

This post was actually supposed to be posted like three days ago. Ive been working my ass off for three days, oh no, four days consecutively.

School has been nothing but stressing all the way. All those circuits here and there. All the prototyping. Ive just ended with my presentation for Prototyping module. I cried while talking to a friend about it. Cause I was super stress about it.

Ive been slacking, and hardly put any effort, I know. My grades are not good either. I tried to understand and put in some contribution, but engineering is soooo boring laaa. I tried, okay. I did! Haha.

Im off to work after school today. Super sick and tired of everything, really.

And thankfully, you are there to make me smile early in the morning, arguments in the afternoon, and make me melt at night.

all grown up.

tags and linkings will be done soon enough! Busy busy busssssy! :D

Sunday, September 14, 2008, 1:18 AM

Its been months since I last felt this way. It means either Im way stronger than before, or Im trying to run away from the obvious.

I prefer to think Ive grown stronger, emotionally. Ive never realised how important life is most of the time. All I can think about is me being happy and get the things I want. I am selfish. I am a spoilt brat. Ive been raised like that. But not till an extreme one, im glad about that.
But the only thing for me is to just have someone who love me regardless of everything.

I sometimes, sit down and ponder, how unfair this world can be. Bad people get all they want. Love, money and happiness. Even the good and kind souls. I know Im no angel. I fall between those two lines.

Is it just lucky, or the other way round.

Yes, I got all the money in the world from my parents. Get everything I want. But am I happy? No? I rarely meet them despite us in the same shelter. That has been practised since young. Im not close to Dad, honestly. And whenever Mama open her mouth, its always to blame me. Being the eldest and the only daughter make things much more difficult. They have high expectations. But Ive always do things be it good or bad, thinking about them first. But things are always left unappreciated at times.

Now the cliche stuffs and the usual talkings. About being in a relationship. Yes, Ive known a few guys here and there. But either they are just too ugly or just too choosy. Ive liked some. But Im never one who believes to be in love with someone that fast. And especially to have a rebound thingy. Yes, some people play that game. But I dont. Despite all the flings and those guy friends, Im just one confuse girl when Im all alone in an empty space.
To say Im that ugly, I dont think so. Some guys still do smile, wink and talk to me. I cant be that ugly. Cause Ive seen uglier people having cute and hot boyfriends. But who am I to judge? But people judge me, and its only human nature, aint it.
Yes, falling in love is easy. I fell for the last one, very easily despite knowing only for a short period of time. And I am still thinking about him,honestly. But who am I to him? Just another girl who he plays around with. He was someone who matters so much to me. Now I only know he is inside, and eventhough he dont think about me. I still pray for his well being. Ive never imagined myself falling for a typical mat rep. But its more to that, that matters.
Its been sooooo long since I last cried. And I just did a few minutes ago. To think that people think I have a happy life, and a carefree one. But this is one of the moment in life I despise so much.
I can plan, but God's the one who decide everything. Cause all Ive ever wanted was to be happy and to be loved. Just that.
And tonight will be the night I pour my heart and eyes out. Cause its only me and myself tonight, alone. Morning please come early.

Saturday, September 13, 2008, 5:52 PM

Lazy to update. Pictures above are from breaking fast with the family over at Swensens. Mama was being a nuisance, since I asked her to at least take a decent picture of us together. Haha.
Its Saturday, and out later with Feroz to break fast. :D
Update later, babies.
**edited**
Okays,Im not going out to break fast with Feroz. Breaking fast at home, and then off to Geylang with Maisara and Shiera. impromptu plan huh. Haha. Okay, its already half past six, but ive yet to bath. Ape nak jadi?! Haha. I woke up at close to five, cause after pre dawn meal earlier I ate the flu medicine, then it made me sleep like a baby. Haha.
Oh yes, Im sick. Bad cough and flu. Very bad.
And yes yesterday was the appointment. Wah piang, I swear very painful hor. But luckily on the lighter note, surgery is not needed at the point of time. But heck, Im lazy to take that tons of medication.
Okay, Im going to shower now! Hahaa.

Thursday, September 11, 2008, 3:01 PM

Partners in crime. But I doubt Ili and Lina can be partners, as they always, i mean ALWAYS argue. Cam whoring session over under some block for smoking fags awayyy from the stress of school. (chey,macam paham!)

Setan-setan yang terlepas di waktu Ramadhan(exclude me,thank you),. Tsk tsk tsk.

Ok, back to class, baby! :D

, 5:26 AM

And here I am now for updates. This space is getting boring-er as each day passed. Nyehahaha.

School has been alryt I guess. Ive yet to mix around with the classmates, really. People may think Im stuck up. But I swear Im lazy la. If you talk to me, then I talk to you. Malas aku nak bebual dgn org dulu. Hahaha!

And break time were always spend over the bridge therewith the usual twos.

This girlfriend of mine over here, accompany me to an impromptu short shopping trip. I wanted to shop, but there's nothing interesting or nice available. Or maybe because it was because we went almost close to its closing time? Haha.
But I appreciate it alot, alot!

As for me, Ive been doing all right. I think so. I know I can never get the best out of any world. But Im just being happy and contented with what Ive gained and owned for now. People may see me as the total opposite way of what and who I am. But deep down inside Im only human. And my close friends knows me the best.
Girls at my age have many things they can worry about. Friends, family and the usual boyfriend stuffs and also enjoying life with booze and night life. Ive tasted here and there. Feel the pinch and pleasure both at the same time. As for now, most people know how pathetic my life is(HAHA!), I may be in contact with some good guys friends, but you see, Im never the kind who takes things seriously. NEVER. Yes, honestly, Ive lost the meaning of being serious. In any situation, it is. Too much, enjoying I guess. Thats the problem with me, some guys get irritated by my behaviour, but, damn, thats just me. Its funny how they want me to be all sweet and nice.
Or maybe, I should really start changing and try to get serious. Maybe that's solution to all my problems. Maybe, who knows. :D

Im off to shower, to schooool! And hopefully I will have a full fast today. Happy fasting peopleeeee.

Saturday, September 06, 2008, 8:02 PM

I know Ive been neglecting this space of mine for quite some time. Apologies for that. Just too busy with school,work, family and girlfriends.

Annnnnd, yes, school ahs already started for me. Whatsmore, new classmates. Sumpah,tak sukeeee. Haha. And yes Professional Profiling has made me super duper stress and having lack of sleep. But Im glad its over and done with. Only have to rework some points here and there. Hopefully will be completing it by tonight.

The highlight of last week was the outing with girlfriends, QUORFAINE ADDICTSSSSS!

Yes, finally after like a year, we went out together as a whole. Happppy or whaaat?

Had dinner over at Lucky Plaza's Ayam Penyet Ria. Walked around town for a while and headed over to Arab Street-ing! Sheesha, whaaat elese. And also quality time spend with them girls. Pictures here and there. So, this post will contain tons and tons of pictures.
Had fun, fun and fun. :D

A random post actually. Am over at school right now. Boring la engineering, prototyping, whatever shitsszzxxxx. Haha. Update soon darlingssss! :D

Power of Eight.