you and i.

Sunday, September 14, 2008, 1:18 AM

Its been months since I last felt this way. It means either Im way stronger than before, or Im trying to run away from the obvious.

I prefer to think Ive grown stronger, emotionally. Ive never realised how important life is most of the time. All I can think about is me being happy and get the things I want. I am selfish. I am a spoilt brat. Ive been raised like that. But not till an extreme one, im glad about that.
But the only thing for me is to just have someone who love me regardless of everything.

I sometimes, sit down and ponder, how unfair this world can be. Bad people get all they want. Love, money and happiness. Even the good and kind souls. I know Im no angel. I fall between those two lines.

Is it just lucky, or the other way round.

Yes, I got all the money in the world from my parents. Get everything I want. But am I happy? No? I rarely meet them despite us in the same shelter. That has been practised since young. Im not close to Dad, honestly. And whenever Mama open her mouth, its always to blame me. Being the eldest and the only daughter make things much more difficult. They have high expectations. But Ive always do things be it good or bad, thinking about them first. But things are always left unappreciated at times.

Now the cliche stuffs and the usual talkings. About being in a relationship. Yes, Ive known a few guys here and there. But either they are just too ugly or just too choosy. Ive liked some. But Im never one who believes to be in love with someone that fast. And especially to have a rebound thingy. Yes, some people play that game. But I dont. Despite all the flings and those guy friends, Im just one confuse girl when Im all alone in an empty space.
To say Im that ugly, I dont think so. Some guys still do smile, wink and talk to me. I cant be that ugly. Cause Ive seen uglier people having cute and hot boyfriends. But who am I to judge? But people judge me, and its only human nature, aint it.
Yes, falling in love is easy. I fell for the last one, very easily despite knowing only for a short period of time. And I am still thinking about him,honestly. But who am I to him? Just another girl who he plays around with. He was someone who matters so much to me. Now I only know he is inside, and eventhough he dont think about me. I still pray for his well being. Ive never imagined myself falling for a typical mat rep. But its more to that, that matters.
Its been sooooo long since I last cried. And I just did a few minutes ago. To think that people think I have a happy life, and a carefree one. But this is one of the moment in life I despise so much.
I can plan, but God's the one who decide everything. Cause all Ive ever wanted was to be happy and to be loved. Just that.
And tonight will be the night I pour my heart and eyes out. Cause its only me and myself tonight, alone. Morning please come early.